I wish I could just skip dating altogether…it’s so much work

Isn’t doing my spiritual practices enough? 

How come my vision boards and affirmations haven’t seemed to work? Or why have they only brought me narcissists?

Sometimes I meet good potential dates, but most of the time something is missing

Why can’t I get the people I AM interested in to message me back or to make plans?

I want to meet the love of my life and get married, but I’m not sure how

Maybe something is wrong with me…or maybe I’m just missing something here

Are the best years of love really behind me? 

Will I ever be in a happy thriving relationship?

Do I really have to choose between settling and being alone?

5 years after my divorce, this is exactly where I was stuck…

I was feeling sad, confused, and frustrated. Sick of swiping and overanalyzing texts. Tired of getting my hopes up. I felt like I had tried everything, but still something was missing. 

After potential relationship after potential relationship crumbled within a few weeks or months, I felt like I had nowhere left to go.

Until I realized something absolutely life changing.

Love is a process of awakening…not chasing or searching.

Let me explain.

What I realized was, it wasn’t more tactics I needed, or bad love advice from friends. It wasn’t more apps or changes to my appearance. It wasn’t more vision boards or checklists.

Because literally I had tried everything under the sun to attract my partner.

I needed something different. A revolutionary approach to awakening (instead of searching for) the love of my dreams, step by step.

I had reached the point where I said 

“F it. I’m not settling for crumbs, I’m not exhausting myself searching, and I’m not going to sabotage my love life anymore. I don’t need love, I AM love.”

But what would turn my dreams into reality? How could my realization of becoming love attract the partner I no longer needed, but wanted?

Crafting my own heroine’s journey 

I tried all of the external tips and tricks to find love, but nothing worked.

I realized the next logical step…the ONLY real next step…was to look within and create the unique love life I wanted. 

Instead of looking for my soulmate or waiting for them to show up, or chasing people who weren’t interested, I needed to awaken the love within me.

I realized the more I focused on the searching, waiting, settling or chasing, the further I got away from the romance I had been craving for so long.

After quite a bit of experimenting, I discovered the true secret to attracting love…

You must BECOME it.

And not the co-dependent people pleasing “love” that I saw all around me. Or the “I don’t need a man” type of self-love that closes off so many hearts (and leaves so many women unnecessarily single). 

What I needed was to awaken to the radiant love available to me, instantly and effortlessly.

So how was I going to do this?

Love isn’t someone you “find,” it’s WHO you are 

After this realization, I searched for a way to truly become love, attract love, and then create love, together, forever. But there was a problem.

Nothing really showed me how to go from hot-mess to happily-ever-after. Nothing really showed me the inner awakening, the spiritual journey, to building an incredible relationship.

I felt like Goldilocks.

Either the books or mentors I found were super spiritual, but had zero practical tools. Or they were super practical, but manipulative, full of ultimatums, and quite frankly demeaning.

Or it was created by someone not in a relationship themselves, and totally lacking integrity and trust!

Feeling frustrated, I started doing something novel. 

I started paying attention to how I was feeling, and what I wanted, instead of what these so-called gurus said and instead of worrying how my date would react.

I developed a compass, within my own experience and my own awareness, that always guided me towards love — because it always guided me back to my unconditioned Self.

I began noticing when I was out of alignment with my truth and my pleasure…

when I was searching, proving, performing, or acting in an inauthentic way in order to get love. 

I paid attention when my heart, mind, or body would take the lead, and instead I started to integrate ALL parts of me…

so that I would be loved completely, fully, and unconditionally — by myself and my future partner. 

Now that I had awakened my own radiant love compass, I just needed to test it out and make sure it was pointed truly towards my wildest romantic dreams.

Authenticity creates opportunity

I started dating differently.

With my radiant love compass, which was always aligned with my authentic Self, I could easily take more risks. 

I spoke openly about wanting to get married and have kids, any time that I wanted to instead of “waiting” to see if they felt the same. I voiced my feelings and frustrations when someone didn’t follow through, instead of playing it cool.

I had FUN on my dates instead of feeling like it was a job interview, because I knew I was responsible for my pleasure, not the other person.

I could do these things — be authentically vulnerable and enjoy dating — because I had become love…because I radiated the love that was my unique essence, but which had been hidden behind shame and fear and overanalyzing.

The more I became love, the more love was attracted to me, and wanted to be with me. 

My vulnerability actually increased closeness. And my self-responsibility (instead of putting it all in the hands of the Universe) increased their desire to want to take care of me. The protective, providing, purposeful type of partner I had always wanted started showing up for me, everywhere.

I met a doctor at a gas station who took me on a candlelight 5 star date. I dated a firefighter who was a former lawyer, who made a picnic for me on the beach. I traveled to the Carribean for a week of sand, sun, and soulfulness with a successful business man I was dating.

But most importantly, I started to feel confident about my love life and my absolute worthiness to have everything I wanted in love.

The Story of How We Met…Twice

However the single moment my love journey all came together was on a December evening in Pasadena California six years ago.

Because I was following my pleasure and in authentic alignment, focused on my own awakening instead of people pleasing or hoping or waiting, I had decided to attend an event led by Consciousness Hacking.

The event was all about lucid dreaming — you know, those incredible dreams where you feel like you could fly, and every detail seems so lifelike and vivid? 

I had lucid dreams many times in the past, most notably three weeks prior when a handsome man had come up to me in my dream, put his hand on my heart, and said “you’re a 100, and this guy you’re dating is a 10.”

You see, I wasn’t sure the person I was seeing at the time was really the best long term match — mainly because he was pretty sarcastic and I have a sensitive heart.

Little did I know that the man from my dream, who encouraged me to break up with the guy I was seeing, would literally show up in real life three weeks later at an event on dreaming.

Jason approached me at the event, asked for my number, and a new chapter started in my awakening to love.

But this was just the beginning

When Jason and I were talking, I felt sparks flying. But not the lusty, helpless, falling head-over-heels type of spark which is codependent and oftentimes signals you’re with a narcissist. 

These were spiritual sparks. I felt connected to Jason on a soul level, and as the conversation deepened, on an intellectual level too.

Because I had been practicing authentic vulnerability and Self-awakening in dating, our emotional connection was powerful as well.

However, I soon discovered that the awakening doesn’t end when you meet your partner.

This is why so much dating and love advice is doomed to fail — because it focuses exclusively on “finding” a partner, but not on developing a spiritual growth toolkit for your relationship. So even if you meet someone fantastic, without going on your own journey of awakening to love, it will fizzle out.

I now had to put into place all that I had learned, with a fierce devotion to growing TOGETHER. Now that I had become love, and attracted love, I needed to create love. 

The first three months of our love story were full of joy and passion, but also full of pitfalls. 

Would we get to commitment?

Did we want the same things?

How would we navigate boundaries? Intimacy? Schedules?

And most importantly, were we both ready to do the work needed to build a solid foundation of respect, honesty, and love?

Had I not switched from “searching, settling, and sabotaging” to “awakening to radiant love”, I would have lost Jason.

There were tests and tribulations. But I applied the same principles I had learned in dating to this new relationship.

And within 9 months of meeting, we’d gotten engaged.

Now we’ve been married for nearly 5 years, have a beautiful daughter, and help people all over the world to create the relationship of their dreams.

Introducing Radiant Love 

By now you might be wondering, what is this spiritual toolkit that develops my radiant love compass? How can I design and live my own romantic fairytale that leads to lasting partnership?

I never intended my love journey to turn into an actual proven system (one that over 250 women have gone through to find love)…

But once I experienced the depth, devotion, and sacredness of love with Jason, and all of the pain leading up to reclaiming my sovereignty in love, I knew this is what the world needed more of — love that breaks generational cycles of trauma and inspires healthy families, communities, and more. Love that expands and gives back.

So I decided to guide others in the process of awakening to love — the process of becoming, attracting, and creating the love of their dreams.

Which is how Radiant Love was born, and why I’m sharing this behind-the-scenes journey with you now.

This is my signature system. Everything I learned (and all the things I want to help you avoid) before, during, and after meeting my soulmate, right up to this present moment.

It’s a shortcut (ten years distilled into a few months) to incredible lasting romance and committed partnership, if you’re willing and ready to do the work of personal awakening. 

It’s the same system I’ve used to help successful spiritual women like you meet their life partner within a few months and reach all of their relationship goals.

The beauty of this system is that it has customized guidance that is completely designed around you — your hopes, desires, and visions of life and love. Because I found on my journey that I needed a little hand-holding, encouragement, and someone to show me the ropes — someone who had already built an interdependent, co-creative, inspiring partnership.

This is everything I wish I had 13 years ago, coming out of a divorce and feeling bewildered by dating.

As I discovered (the hard and long way), it’s not about meeting the one — it’s about awakening to love and radiating that love out. It’s about becoming love, attracting love, and creating love together.

All of which requires transformation. This is the only way. This is why Radiant Love is different from everything else out there. And why, if you stay committed and open, this is truly the last course/tool/program/approach you’ll ever need.

Radiant Love is like an alchemy of the mind, body, and heart — once you experience it, you will never be the same…in the best possible way 🙂 

I’ve had clients attract new jobs with double the pay, unexpected bonuses, and creative opportunities to write books and star in films. Other clients have started their own businesses and non-profit organizations. Still other clients have had babies with their soulmate or traveled the world together because of this work.

So if you’re ready to awaken the love of a lifetime, with yourself and your partner, for the good of all of humanity…

Then I invite you on the most audaciously pleasurable pathway to true love.

Get Radiant Love today by setting up a call with me or my team. Fill out this short application here and we’ll get started. 

xoxo Violet

The post Awakening Radiant Love appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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Support a Black-Owned Business with your online shopping — check out this list of 181 companies you can buy from directly.

“Racial and wealth disparities in the United States have been thrown into sharp relief by the COVID-19 pandemic and racial unrest throughout 2020. We see more clearly than ever just how often Black business owners and creatives have been thought of as less than their Caucasian counterparts – and Black businesses are paying the price.

Black businesses are impacted more deeply than Caucasian businesses by COVID-related closures, due to the long history of racial inequality that’s now exacerbated by the ongoing state of emergency.

It feels like an overwhelming problem – and it is – but there’s one simple thing you can do right now to help: Shop at Black-owned businesses whenever you can.

Supporting Black-owned businesses helps provide much-needed stability to business owners that have been hard hit by the pandemic. And you’re laying a foundation to continue to support Black businesses long after the crisis is over.”
I am committed to helping build a more equitable society and economy. In the past year I’ve switched business mentors so I am being coached by black women, have hired guest speakers of color, and am shopping more often with black-owned businesses. I will also be donating 5% of our profit to organizations that support women of color, from 2020 and ongoing.

And, I want to add another business to this list — The Black Goddess Within oracle deck. Dr Giavanni Washington, the creator, is also on an upcoming episode of the podcast which I will be sharing soon. The oracle deck she created is powerful, necessary, and beautiful as we celebrate, revere, and normalize the black body in spiritual spaces.

Dr. Washington also leads a Meet the Goddess Within mastermind that I highly recommend.

Simple shifts go a long way. I hope you’ll join me and celebrate Valentine’s Day in a more inclusive way this year, and also celebrate Black History month by shopping Black-Owned businesses.

xoxo Violet

P.S. Celebrate Black History Month and Valentine’s Day by shopping from Black-Owned businesses. Here’s a list of 181 in the US across a variety of products and services.

The post The Perfect Gift for VDay: Supporting Black-Owned Businesses appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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Check it out here: https://worldclassperformer.com/short-life-lessons-from-violet-lange/ and learn a little more about me!

And then, tell me a bit more about you — reply to this email or comment below and let me know what lights you up, what’s shaped your journey, and how you take care of yourself.

To a world with more self-care and self-awareness,

xoxo Violet

PS World Class Performer is an amazing organization which has profiled top leaders around the world. See their interviews here

The post What Makes Me Tick? See My Interview with World Class Performer! appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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We don’t have to bypass the dark emotions. They’re part of the phoenix’s fuel.

Creative feminine knows that shadow leads to light.

Creative feminine knows that nothing gives birth to something — even when we feel like we’re on our last breath, our last penny, or our last hope.

Creative feminine creates without effort. Just think of a baby being created in a totally receptive, dark place (our wombs).

Even if you don’t have a literal womb, you have a metaphorical one.

We need a collective womb, as a society, to gestate and birth a new humanity. The old patriarchal ways are dying.

You may ask, where are the warriors? Who will save us?

We don’t need warriors. We don’t need more war (within ourselves, within our nation, within the world).

We need more priestesses. Women devoted to sacred love, with compassion, grace, and skill to navigate all of the cycles of life.

Priestesses alchemize the divine feminine into action. This form of the creative feminine embodies what she wants to see in the world — she magnetizes her vision, and yet she lives in flow. Her sensuality is a gift. Her devotion is an offering. Her playfulness is a balm for our doubts.

We need the priestess. But without the dogma and hierarchy of the patriarchy. It’s her time. It’s our time.

When the lights go down, the priestess works her magic. She doesn’t need to be seen — her creations are enough to return joy and energy back to her, because her magic is amplified through pleasure.

The lights are going down. We’re heading into the Fall Equinox and the night will be longer than the day.

What will you create in this sacred time?

The bigger the vision, the more you need support. Which is why I’m re-opening my Fabulously Feminine Community, with even more content and a new payment plan.

Think of it as a “love club” where you learn about love, relationships, feminine energy, and how to embody these principles. All in a fabulous, supportive community with live coaching calls, and new practices, meditations, and videos released every 2 weeks.

The best part? When you join Fabulously Feminine you get access to the content and calls for life, so you have the congruent structure and container to continue to manifest all that you want as the spiral turns higher.

We start on September 22nd, in just 12 days. Join me: www.violetlange.com/FF

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

P.P.S. If you’ve always wanted to work on your feminine energy in a way that feels fun, clear, and intuitive, now’s your chance to join Fabulously Feminine. We begin again on September 22nd and I’ve created new payment plan options for this “love club” to make it easy and accessible. Check it out here: www.violetlange.com/FF

The post Fabulously Feminine Is Now Open appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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To help you find clarity, I’m sharing 5 great podcast episodes I was recently a guest on. These 30 to 60 minute sessions will get you thinking about how to approach dating and love in a way that leads to greater pleasure and joy!

Also, my mini-course Embodying Divine Union is only available for purchase until Monday evening, so sign up now if you want to enhance and integrate your masculine and feminine energy: www.violetlange.com/edu

My latest episodes as a podcast guest:

What Does It Look Like for Women to Do the Work? — the Dear Men podcast This one is super important if you want to get into a great relationship.

How to Date Effectively Even When You’re Over Fifty — the Tuff Love Show This episode is great if you’re not sure how to find a second, or third, or fourth (or first) lovestory.

Your Questions Answered on Intimacy, Love, and Dating — the I Can’t Wait to Tell You podcast This was so fun, covering turn-on and positions and more. Ohhh my 😉

Dating Apps Boundaries and More — the I Can’t Wait to Tell You podcast On this show I do a deep dive into dating more effectively and how to use the apps

Wellness Practices for Finding Pleasure in Dating, Love, and Partnership — Courageous Wellness During this show we talk about feeling good while creating loving relationships.

The post 5 Podcast Episodes for You appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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During the shadow healing journeys I’ve been on, two things are clear:

First, no one can do the work but you

Second, we must go within instead of pointing fingers “out there”

Which is why I’m offering my Embodying Divine Union course again for a limited time. In this program you get the tools to coach yourself, to integrate your masculine and feminine energy, and to embody healthy partnership. So you can go within and build resilience and love during this chaotic time.

I just edited all of the call replays and put together the practices, and this is the most advanced course I’ve offered yet. But don’t let that scare you — the tools are actually pretty simple.

Sign up now to receive: 

• three teaching calls (edited for confidentiality)

• eight practices to help you master and integrate masculine and feminine energy

• a self-coaching guide so you always know how to coach yourself (or at least how to get the ball rolling and stop feeling so stuck)

Here’s what folks have shared about Embodying Divine Union:

“Violet, you are very gifted, the way you can guide I feel the divine working with you. This offering is great, I’m learning so much.”

“Thank you Violet for the Embodying Divine Union content. It’s easily the best money I’ve spent during Covid. I’m so excited to have all the info at my fingertips.”

“The meditations in Embodying Divine Union are sooooooo good. Thank you <3 <3 <3 This mini-course has been a balm to my soul and exactly what my body needed now.”

And in terms of results, women who have taken Embodying Divine Union have reported:

• Getting closer to their partner

• Feeling more solid, strong, and peaceful

• Holding space for their children and showing up as better parents

• Getting clarity about their needs, wants, and relationship goals

• Breaking old relationship patterns

• Becoming more vulnerable and emotionally open, in healthy ways

• Celebrating new milestones like year-anniversaries and more

• Dating someone new

• Feeling more confident and relaxed

• Trusting their feminine energy and desires more

• Starting new creative and career projects

Now is the time to do our work, and to hold the light of love for humanity, actively.

Make Embodying Divine Union one way you build strength and internal resources, so you can continue to love and show up for others (and for yourself) in this key time.

And as a special thank you for being part of my community, get $100 off using code SUMMER when you sign up now.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you want a restart so you can be in the zone for the last few months of the year, in life and in love, sign up for Embodying Divine Union now.  You can go-at-your-own-pace and integrate Masculine and Feminine energy with practices, lectures, and more. We attract a Divine Union when we embody divine union within ourselves. Sign up here and save $100 by using the code SUMMER: www.violetlange.com/edu

The post 2 Things to Know about Shadow Journeys appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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The post appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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Are you dating? Are you in a great relationship?

Or are you feeling helpless, like you’re not sure what to do to find love?

Are you feeling hopeless, like what’s the point of being on the apps or dating right now?

Feeling helpless and hopeless are normal, given the pandemic, racial injustice, global disasters and more.

However, staying stuck in those feelings, or using current events as a reason to not get what you want in love, is not serving you (or others).

This isn’t a time to be the damsel-in-distress, or to give up on your dreams. You don’t need to sacrifice your desires just because there is suffering. In fact the suffering in the world makes the need for love, in our lives and in our society, that much greater.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to connect with emotionally right now? Someone who “gets you” and your values, and has your back? Someone looking for, and ready for, commitment? Someone you can safely get to know until the time is right to be physical?

This is more than possible. It’s actually happening.

Can it happen for you too? Can you find the love of your life during these crazy times?

It depends. It depends on two things:

First — are you willing to be in community and stop doing it alone?

A community of like-minded women will move you out of your hopelessness, because you’ll see that they are winning in love, and they’re no different than you.

Like my client Julia who got engaged this past weekend when her man met her family and they loved him. He’s successful, kind, genuine, sexy, and committed. And they started dating only six months ago.

Or my client Dania who also got engaged this past month, to someone she’s been dating for eight months. The pandemic brought them closer and accelerated their relationship.

Or my clients Cassie and Katie, who met their boyfriends on the apps during quarantine, and who built an emotional foundation before deciding to date exclusively. Their guys said they had woken up to wanting marriage and didn’t want to have to go through life alone.

Finding love in a pandemic is happening, and can happen for you too, if you’re willing to do the second thing — are you willing to take action?

We can’t get out of our helplessness without support (the community I mentioned above) or without skill. We can’t just “hope” our love life will change without taking action.

Uncertainty = opportunity, if you have the right support and skills.

What skills do you need to build in dating? Is it having the right mindset so you stay confident? Is it changing your patterns of attraction so you stop attracting casual, physical-only, or narcissistic types? Is it learning to use the apps and text in a way that brings the right person closer and leads to video and real-life dates?

Hoping or wanting aren’t enough. There are great people out there ready for love and actively looking — men who have done their work to be committed and emotionally available. But you won’t find them by staying where you’re at.

So, join me! And my community of incredible Queens who are learning, growing, and getting what they want in love.

All you have to do is take action from helpless and hopeless to empowered and engaged. You do that by getting clarity, insight, and support, like what I offer in my Love Strategy Calls.

Book yours now while they are still complimentary — I’m going to be charging for these starting September 1st and I only have a few slots each week until then.

Go to www.violetlange.com/talk and set up your session

Talk soon,

xoxo, Violet

P.S. finding your partner during a pandemic is possible when you are willing to be in community and willing to take action. Without those two things, we stay helpless and hopeless instead of empowered and engaged. The very first action to take is simple: set up a Love Strategy Session with us here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Helpless and hopeless to happy and engaged <3 appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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Healing the inner masculine who violently criticizes us and suppresses our heartfelt desires. The part of us who tells us we’re never enough…that we must keep pushing.

Healing the inner feminine who uses our pain as a weapon to manipulate others and keep us stuck in victim mode. The part of us who tells us we’ve unlovable, or too much. That we must keep sacrificing who we are and keep playing small.

Without a healthy inner masculine, we can’t be in integrity (which is the basis for all lasting partnership) or in peace.

Without a healthy inner feminine, we can’t experience pleasure (which makes life worth living) or truly thrive.

But with a healthy inner masculine and healthy inner feminine, we embody love, regardless of our relationship status. We live from our heart as a manifestation of heaven on earth.

When we are living as a fully-human divine-union, we heal from our past, set a new course for our future, and create joy in the present, even when times are tough.

If you’d like more balance and harmony…

more heart-centered love and truth…

and more focus and flow,

I’d love to support you in Embodying Divine Union.

We start in just 48 hours so sign up now at www.violetlange.com/edu

Xoxo Violet

P.S. you can still use your $100 off coupon SUMMER when you check out www.violetlange.com/edu

The post Healing our Inner Masculine and Feminine appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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It’s time for all of us to move past masculine and feminine in isolation and to bring these energies together in harmony, within us and within our relationships and structures. It’s time to let go of societal norms and pressures, and to create and lead more boldly and authentically.

I have been feeling this way for a while, but I got caught up. Caught up in teaching masculine/feminine polarity and heteronormative dating and relationship. Caught up in my own life and business. Too scared to ruffle feathers, too “comfortable” to change.

But feathers must be ruffled. Because not everyone is flying — not everyone is free to experience love, happiness, and safety. The world is different than 6 months ago — global pandemic, civil rights movement, economic changes — and this world (and we humans within it) must shift.

Why?

Because we need leadership now in our society, and true leadership is about integrating our masculine and feminine. It’s about integrating our shadow (blindspots) and our light (consciousness), with fierce love. It’s about bringing perspective to feelings by processing our emotions, and bringing feelings to our perspectives by uncovering our limiting beliefs and their emotional and social impact. It’s about connecting to our bodies, to our environments, and to our communities.

I had planned on reopening my Fabulously Feminine program this summer. But it just doesn’t feel right. I am in the process of learning more about intersectional feminism and rethinking how I teach about feminine energy.

What isn’t feeling right to you, in your own life? What do you need and want to learn more about? Where haven’t you been listening to your heart or your gut?

I am listening more. Listening more to my clients, listening more to my community, listening more to my truth.

In a few days, I’m going to be inviting you to a small workshop series called Embodying Divine Union. I would do that here, but the technical set-up isn’t done yet…so if you’re curious to know more now, just reply to this email and I’ll send you the details.

To our expansion and evolution,

Xoxo Violet

(photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash)

The post I got caught up…how about you? appeared first on Violet Lange.

      

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First, you never want to hear someone online say “Let’s just quarantine together.”

It sounds inviting, maybe?!? And I know you might be lonely after 4 months of physical distancing. But, this is going too fast, too soon, and it’s coming from a place of neediness. Slow their roll — you haven’t even MET yet. 

Rushing to intimacy (emotional or physical) and getting you to commit to quarantining together, before you’ve developed a relationship, is not cool. 

Second, you never want to hear someone online say “Can we just wait until we meet up?”

If someone isn’t willing to talk on the phone or have a facetime date…if they only want to text when it’s convenient for them, until all of this “blows over,” it means they’re not really down for a relationship to begin with. 

Anyone who’s not willing to talk or facetime is just not that into deep connection, and probably not that emotionally available.

Third, you never want to hear someone online say “Can’t things just go back to normal?”

Why is this problematic? Well, it shows that they want comfort and ease in their life. It shows that they’re reminiscing about the past. And it shows they are probably not that interested in growth and change. 

For you, that might be okay. But for the women I work with, they’re interested in partners who are up for the revolution. Partners who defy “normal” and who seek to live an extraordinary life with an incredible lover by their side. 

Someone you’re messaging with who is clinging to the old ways and annoyed by current events is not going to automatically change into someone who sees the challenges in your future relationship as opportunities. They’ve pretty much shown you already what they do when faced with adversity. 

Look, this time is full of chaos. But we can all use that as an excuse, or as an option to get right in our lives. This can be a time of stagnation or a time of powerful change.

Dating is ripe with open-hearted people wanting to connect more deeply. Right now. 

You just have to know how to find them, and then how to create and sustain an empowering relationship.

If that’s something you might want help with, let me know here: www.violetlange.com/talk

When you go to that link you can pick out a time to talk to me or someone from my team, so you can leverage this time to emerge with more love, more integrity, and more divine union.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. Now that you know what to avoid, what do you look for? Sifting through the dating sites can feel like quite a process…but I love to help amazing, committed, open-minded women do just that. In fact, it makes dating kinda fun, even now. If you’d like to see how to make dating work for you, where you feel confident and get treated like a Queen, set up a love strategy session here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

The post 3 Things to Look for While Dating Now appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

But that means dating looks different. Dating needs to be more conscious and embodied. This is an opportunity to meet the moment with greater capacity to feel, to heal, and to connect vulnerably and authentically. 

How?

With awareness — of your own trauma and triggers, personally and in your lineage, especially of how they show up in your body sensations. Ce Anderson is speaking to our community about trauma and relationships this Tuesday the 30th and you won’t want to miss it (details below).

With commitment — to identifying your blind spots in how you relate to yourself, to others, and to the world.

With focus — on how you want to feel in a relationship, on what you want your love to stand for, and on what you want to create with your partner.

None of these things (awareness, commitment, focus) are easy. But if love were easy, everyone would be in a healthy partnership right now. 

Awareness, commitment, and focus are worth it though — not only because they will help you attract an incredible partner, but because these skills spill over into the rest of your life.

One of my clients recently told me how much better ALL of her relationships were, because of her experiences in my program and because of her new love. 

She’s attracted new clients to her business, deepened her friendships, and felt more alive, with and without her new romance. One of her friends even said “what have you been doing?!? You are shining!”

Shining requires we shine the light into our shadows, and often that means getting help, because otherwise how can we see our own blindspots? 

Please join me this Tuesday, the 30th, for a free community event, as Ce Anderson leads a discussion on relationships and trauma. 

Ce Anderson, M.S., L.P.C., is a sought-after expert on wellness, domestic violence, sexual assault recovery and setting healthy boundaries who has been seen and heard on the likes of NPR and NBC. A licensed therapist, advocate, and author, Ce provides expertise to make it easier to bring your whole self to your relationships.

Her book, Love T.A.P.S.: Red Flags of An Abuser and How to Get Out, is available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com

Sign up here:

https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZApd-2hrj4iHtZpc1FKJMJnvIzU7iYRSAZe 

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

Let’s use this time to get wiser, stronger, and more resilient. 

See you Tuesday,

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you want to date effectively, but are afraid of attracting the wrong person, and not sure how to spot the red flags, or, if you want guidance on trauma, race, and relationships, join our free event with Ce Anderson by registering here: https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZApd-2hrj4iHtZpc1FKJMJnvIzU7iYRSAZe 

The post How Do You Date, Now? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

This type of feminine energy attracts unhealthy masculine energy — the type of partner who wants a trophy or someone to control. And combined, unhealthy feminine and masculine create an unhealthy society without true accountability, justice, or love.

That bland femininity actually repels the healthy masculine, and it’s not serving you. Or me. Or our society.

Do you want to be someone’s puppet? Or their partner?

The healthy feminine is audacious. She speaks out. She expresses her creativity, even when it’s messy and wild. She has sass that seduces without even having to be sensual.

The healthy masculline is the peacemaker. This energy holds the space, and protects the feminine as she storms and rages and dances. The healthy masculine is a witness, knowing she’s birthing something new, dazzled by her. 

Now is not the time to sit still. Now is not the time to wrap everything in “love and light” — spiritual bypass will not draw a healthy partner to you. 

Pretending it’s all puppies and unicorns will just attract someone who hasn’t done their work (someone who won’t be able to sustain a commitment).

In the last two months I’ve helped five clients get into relationships, yes, even during COVID-19. How? Because they embodied the feminine energy that doesn’t give a flip — they weren’t chasing or performing or being nice in order to get a prize. 

Some of these women met their partner in real life, some online, but all of them got support and structure so their powerful feminine energy could feel safe being expressed. 

Society wants you to believe that feminine energy is docile and conforming. But that distortion of feminine energy actually props up the outdated systems which are oppressing so many people. 

If you can’t feel beyond “polite,” how can your partner respect and cherish you?

Too many “nice” women get cheated on or left behind. 

But this is not your fault. You most likely didn’t learn how to be authentic with your emotions. You may be afraid that if you’re bold, you’ll be judged or labeled as difficult. 

In my experience working with hundreds of women, it’s the exact opposite. People are drawn to the raw, real, authentic you, and you meet your partner much faster.

The very start of dating, you are laying down patterns which affect how the relationship will unfold (and if it’ll even go anywhere). How you show up makes a huge difference in whether you will or won’t have lasting love. 

If that’s something you are looking for help with, let me know. I offer free Love Strategy Sessions at www.violetlange.com/talk — 45 minute calls to really understand your patterns and what to do differently. But these aren’t for the faint of heart, so only sign up if you are ready to learn and grow.

The best part of reclaiming your authentic feminine energy isn’t getting into a great relationship (although that rocks too), it’s liberating all the energy you used to waste on trying to be perfect in order to feel loved. 

Imagine what you could put that energy into…and if every woman did this, how much energy would be available for changing the world.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you consider yourself to be a spiritual woman, but keep attracting narcissists or non-committal partners, chances are you’re playing it safe and being way too nice. And chances are, that same pattern is keeping you from being of greater service to humanity. I’d love to see if I can help you shift this dynamic, so you can live your soul’s purpose and have a flourishing partnership too. Set up a free Love Strategy session here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Passivity is so Past its Prime — Your Fire Feminine is Needed Now appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Two weeks ago I became more vocal on social media (on my personal page especially but also in our Free Your Feminine group and client groups) about racial justice and equity. Last week I listened and learned (and will continue to get educated), so that the voices of women of color could be amplified. 

Now I want you to know where I stand and why this is so important to our community. 

I invite you to stay connected to your body as you read this, and to stay connected to our group, even if this brings up “stuff” for you. Your relationships, and any meaningful connection, will always bring up your stuff. 

So consider this an opportunity to get better at processing your emotions and reactions, which will help others feel safe around you and which will help all of your relationships thrive. 

In the past five years, when black man after black man (and woman) was being killed, I stayed mainly silent other than a post here or there. While I believed my heart was always in a “good place,” intention isn’t enough. It took me WAY too long to wake up to the dangerous, racist system I am living in and benefiting from. Even if I didn’t design it, it’s still my responsibility to help dismantle it.

Why didn’t I speak out, stand up, get educated, and get involved sooner?

I was living in the shadow of “love and light” and staying silent. I mistakenly thought these were “random occurrences” instead of the everyday experience of black and indigenous people of color due to a system built on oppression and state violence.

And what disgusts me about my silence and neutrality, is that they are the exact same pattern I saw in my upbringing. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” said the person who overlooked me being sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. I had way more anger towards the bystander in my family than the abuser. 

But I now see how I have been one of those empathetic accomplices, standing on the sidelines and not getting involved. How arrogant. 

Everything I stand for — love, pleasure, relationships, healthy sensuality, femininity — cannot (and will not) be sustained if it’s only for a few people who happen to have white skin. Lasting pleasure and love require wholeness as a society and as a planet. Lasting pleasure and love require equity. 

Equality is saying “we are all one.” And while spiritually that’s true, in this physical realm, the suffering is significantly greater in our communities of color. 

Equity is saying “Certain groups of people started off behind because of systemic injustice and generational trauma. It’s our duty to bring everyone to a place of equal access and likelihood of success, love, and health.” (PS I learned about equity from Trudi Lebron — thank you Trudi).

Equality says we have no differences. Equity celebrates our differences and makes important accommodations so everyone can have love, pleasure, and joy. 

Have you seen the movie “12 Years a Slave” (based on the book, the true story, of the same title)? There’s a point in it where Solomon is asking for help getting his free papers back, saying that seeing his wife would bring him unspeakable happiness. Bass replies that while for Solomon seeing his wife would be a pleasure, for Bass it would be his duty (to help Solomon return to freedom). 

I BELIEVE IT IS OUR DUTY, ESPECIALLY AS WOMEN, TO CREATE JUSTICE WHEN THERE IS INJUSTICE, SO THAT ALL CAN EXPERIENCE SAFETY AND PLEASURE. 

I BELIEVE IT IS OUR CALLING, ESPECIALLY AS WOMEN, TO LOVE DEEPER AND TO FEEL DEEPER, SO ALL OF HUMANITY CAN KNOW THEY ARE LOVABLE AND LOVED.

Note, when I say all it is not a nod to “all lives matter” — I am specifically talking about Black, Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) and other marginalized groups such as LGBTQ. Black Lives Matter.

What does this mean for you, in our community?

First, it means getting explicit about our standards and values. Inclusion, yes, but more importantly, access, dialogue, service, and integrity (along with love, pleasure, vulnerability, embodiment, and safety). 

Second, it means advocating for pleasure for all, and especially for women of color. What if white women championed women of color? What if we took up the “fight” for a while and let our sisters rest? 

Third, it means getting comfortable with discomfort. With anger. With shame. It means noticing when we check out and bypass our feelings and those of others. Love is the willingness to alchemize our pain and illuminate our blind spots, so others don’t have to go through more pain. 

I’m not asking you to be a martyr. I’m asking you to do your work so you don’t get defensive about white privilege. So you don’t say “but I had my trauma too.” We’ve all had trauma. This is a both / and situation. Your history doesn’t preclude you from becoming more aware of others, and it shouldn’t prevent you from caring about the liberation of all. 

The bodhisattva in Eastern traditions is one who has reached enlightenment but who has chosen to stay on earth until all beings are free from suffering. This is the time of the bodhisattva. If you’ve ever seen pictures of bodhisattvas, they aren’t peaceful looking. There’s nothing about them that’s just “love and light” because they know it takes more than just love to reach enlightenment. Love without fierceness is impotent. I think true bodhisattvas aren’t white women like me, but black women who are healing the planet with their leadership. I’m talking about women like Rachel Cargle, Layla Saad, Adrienne Maree Brown, Alisha McCullough and so many more. Please follow, like, promote, and buy from these women. Please elevate their voices. 

Your flavor of bodhisattva / activism may be quiet conversations with your family. Or it may be protesting. Or it may be calling government officials about important bills. You get to choose — but learn something and then DO something. 

Below is what I’m doing to change myself and my communities. I’m totally open to feedback and how I can be better.

The divine feminine is the eternal activist. She doesn’t let her children suffer. She goes full-on mama bear to protect those she loves. I’m asking you to expand your circle of love beyond you and those who look like you, for the good of all.  

Are you with me?

Xoxo, Violet

Here’s what this means for me.

 I’m not looking for kudos or praise, this is so I can stay accountable to others and to myself and incase it’s useful for other white women reading this who want to change:

I’ve committed to learning about racism and my own biases, and unlearning those subconscious fight/flight/freeze behaviors. I’ve taken the Implicit Bias test by Harvard and I am doing the activities in Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad with a group that meets every week. 

(Full transparency, in that test I have a slight preference for African Americans over Caucasians (which is the same result as when I took it 8 years ago), and a moderate preference for Caucasians over Asian Americans. I haven’t taken the other tests yet but will do so this week. My work to heal and grow clearly extends beyond BIPOC. This is lifelong work.)

I’ve committed to learning about, and leading other white women on, white racial trauma; especially our microaggressions, which are unconscious ways our bias plays out and directly harms people of color. A group of my clients and I are reading and discussing My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem and doing his five day Cultural Somatics training. I’d like this to grow into an ongoing celebration of people of color and specifically women of color and their unique expression of the divine feminine.

I am in dialogue with a woman of color educator to do a virtual meeting for our community and my clients to talk through these things. I know this is just a start, but I want to elevate, and compensate, women of color. I am not the expert. The details will be announced in the next two weeks about this training/meeting.

I am also in dialogue with my clients who are women of color. I don’t expect them to lead me or do my work for me, but they know my programs and me, and are showing me my blindspots. What I’ve heard over and over again from these women is how important pleasure, feminine energy, and healing is, and that they would like to see more women of color in my programs. And I am changing my messaging and my approach to be more inclusive and appealing, while also adding new tools in my programs for people who are different from me.

I’m creating a list of women of color who do love coaching, so I can refer people to them. I may not be the best coach for everyone, if someone is specifically looking for a coach who is a woman of color. If you have someone you’d like me to add to this list, please let me know. 

I’ve started to get involved on a local level in LA, going to West Hollywood protests last week and virtual LA gatherings for AWARE, the local chapter of Standing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ). 

My courses will now have sliding scale pricing for Fabulously Feminine, Sacred Sexuality, and Win in Online Dating so more people can have access. And I will be offering one scholarship a month to a woman of color or LGBTQ for my Queens of Pleasure signature program. This is not reverse racism by the way, this is about equity as I described above.

I am donating 5% of revenue to BIPOC organizations which uplift women of color such as Pretty Brown Girl.

Lastly I am changing my hiring practices when I build my team again to broaden the application pool to include a variety of people.

This is a time to get right as a humanity. We can’t evolve when we’re complicit in systems which kill and oppress people of color. And we can’t create healthy relationships when we’re not in healthy relationship with ourselves. 

I believe white women can make a difference in changing ourselves and our relationships. Will you join me? 

The post Elevating Women of Color and Dismantling White Supremacy appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

or have you been told, when you did love fiercely, that it was ” too much”?

You are not the problem.

The real problem?

The world wasn’t big enough to love you back as much as you loved.

The men you met weren’t far along enough on their own path to meet you with the same fiery passion and devotion and truth

But the world has been changing and people are waking up.

If you’ve been hiding your love, it’s time to come out and let it be seen again.

What you need is a way to translate your energy into a healthy relationship, a way to understand not how to “fit in,” but how to shine together with an incredible partner. A way to amplify each other’s power.

The desire is there, in your heart, to have incredible love, but the tools have been lagging. Because no one taught you how to build an interdependent relationship with an energy exchange that expands and nourishes you both, and the world around you.

It’s like learning a new language…or rather translating the beautiful poetry of your soul into a siren song, bringing your divine love to you.

You need the decoder ring, to make this process so much more fun and fulfilling.

My client Iris reached out to me wanting to find love, but feeling terrified. She was uncertain a man would ever be able to match her, and didn’t feel radiant or open or even ready. But she decided to join my program, knowing she couldn’t stay stuck.

She messaged me recently, saying “I literally met someone on a walk…This person is meeting me on all the levels I’ve needed for a long time. So incredibly supportive, respectful, kind, intelligent etc. Very embodied. And I just had the best sex of my life by like a thousand miles. Thanks for the feminine support! It’s been nearly 2 months. There have been significant conflicts and they’ve been handled with a ton of grace and skill. My heart is definitely in a healthier place, as well as my body and general state of being.”

So many of my clients are scared, just like Iris was, when they first start to work with me. Scared of being hurt again. Scared of being too much. Scared to open to love.

But if they had stayed stuck in their fear, they’d still be stuck. Now they’re quaranteaming with someone who cherishes them and loves their fullness, their passion, their heart.

Don’t settle for less than what you want in love.

But also don’t’ settle for less than you want in life, simply because you lost (or never found) love before.

You can start the process now and meet the love of your life in a few months or sometime in the next year.

Or you can keep putting it off. But what would that look like, 6 months from now in October, heading into winter and the holidays, still feeling stuck and unloved?

The choice is up to you. I’m on this journey with you 100%! But you’ve got to be the one saying “I do” to your love life and your future

How? Just take the first little step. Set up a free Love Strategy Session here and we’ll get started. This doesn’t mean we have to work together — it might not be the right fit for either of us to continue. But you’ll never know til you find out 😉

We in our culture expect the man to make the first move, to propose, etc. But how can he be courageous if you[re not willing to do so too?

The time is now to rewrite your love story.

Talk soon,

Xoxo, Violet

The post They Met on a WALK! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

A power couple means being together gives you MORE power than being separate. You’re together but also merging with the universe at the same time, as both of you expand.

Listen here: A Power Couple Talks About Power in Their Relationship

xoxo, Violet

PS if you want your partnership to accelerate and to activate each other’s passion and purpose, go to www.violetlange.com/couples

The post What’s a Power Couple? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

We’ve entered into a cocoon…

But will you emerge a butterfly?

Or just hibernate as a caterpillar?

Issac Newton had to go into quarantine because of the bubonic plague…and during that time, he discovered gravity!

What will you discover during this COVID-19 cocoon?

Will you use the time to numb out, or to transform?

The world will be different when the shelter-in-place is done.

Relationships will be different. Dating will be different.

Will you be ready?

This time is a wake-up call to realign with what you value most, and to set the stage for your future.

A long time ago I decided to stop playing small in love…to start being the butterfly I knew I was…and now I have a passionate, inspiring marriage and a beautiful little butterfly baby (see our pants below :))

So if you want different experiences (such as more commitment, more fun, more power, more ease) in your love life after this is all over, it’s time to begin now.

For the women currently in my program, I’m giving them all of the quarantine time as extra time in my program, as a bonus.

Which means if you were to start working with me, you’d get this time of quarantine as extra time in the course too.

An extra month or two to get ready to date again.

Bonus time to clear out the closet of limiting beliefs, old heartache, dangerous patterns of attraction, and playing small when it comes to love.

Can you imagine emerging from this feeling more bold, feminine, radiant, and skilled than ever before?

Can you imagine the outstanding potential partners being drawn to you because of the shifts you made internally during this time?

Can you imagine the passionate love and emotional connection you create so if something like this were to happen again, you’d have a great love by your side?

(a few of my clients got engaged or married in January and February…amazing that they trusted their intuition and started working with me in the months before! They’re quarantining with the love of their life!)

If you know you can’t go back to the old ways of dating that weren’t serving you…

And if you know you want to leverage this time to be in a whole new level of love…

Then I invite you to connect here: www.violetlange.com/talk

Instead of getting 3 months in my signature love and dating program Queens of Pleasure, you’d get 5 months — all that extra time stacked in your favor. Nearly double the amount of group calls and 1:1s.

What are you waiting for? The end of the world as you know it? Well, it’s already here. It can be chaos, or it can be creative. Your choice. Will you choose love?

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. if you want to emerge from this cocoon as a butterfly, and have your wings ready to fly into a great relationship, AND, if you’re committed to actually doing the work on yourself, let’s talk. I am offering Love Strategy Sessions again now here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Are You a Caterpillar or a Butterfly? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

love for those at risk, so much that we’re willing to be separate for a while, to change our way of life for a time, to protect the most vulnerable.

The point of separation though, is to wake us up to our desire to merge with others.

When we cut ourselves off, even for the higher good of humanity, it brings up our fears and our longings.

Have you noticed that you feel the ache even deeper, the ache to have a loving partner?

Have you noticed that you crave emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual intimacy, especially as an anecdote to the anxiety, boredom, and fear?

Have you noticed that things which seemed really important — like your work, your bank account, your plans — now feel out of your control as you’re forced to slow down and reprioritize?

It could be that pandemics are the new normal in our society. While we can’t avoid them, we can navigate through them with greater ease and clarity.

What if you had an incredible partner who inspired you, to help you in this time?

Someone to cuddle with, laugh with, dream with…someone to maybe even make a baby with 🙂 Someone to remind you of all that is good and sane in the world.

What if you could meet this partner NOW?

What if you didn’t have to just “wait” to bump into your forever love?

This time of surrender is actually a wonderful time to meet a partner, if you know how to approach dating now with an integrated heart, mind, body, and with the right skills.

There will be more people than ever online, looking for connection. But it’s easy to see the worst of humanity on the dating apps, and be more discouraged than ever.

What if you had someone to guide you through the process so that online dating was fun? And so that it attracted the best matches to you? What if this intense time was the best time you had available for meeting someone available?

Every circumstance is either a problem or an opportunity. The people who find lasting love and thrive in their relationships will be those who know how to adapt and how to reach out for help during this time, even if, and especially if, they are alone. It’s easy to set up a free call with me here: www.violetlange.com/talk

Xoxo, Violet

The post The point of staying at home?!? Awakening Love appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Don’t give up hope on love — the only difference between the shares from these women and where you are now is a small conversation and a commitment to themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, they put in the effort, but the support and tools they learned in my programs made it SO much easier.

“QOP program has changed me so much and how I look and see things. I’m much more present and in the moment. It’s fun! It’s quite the experience! I’m going with what feels right rather than a checklist. I feel we are moving quick on getting to know each other on a deeper level because we are communicating. He met some of my friends which I never bring anyone around my friends. After my friends met him, they were wowed at how they could see he cared a lot for me. I’m not used to all this. I’m amazed and can’t stop smiling! I’m not panicking which was me before QOP. I’m accepting the amazing feeling this relationship has brought me.”

“A year ago I was working through your program and now next month I’m marrying the love of my life”

“So much power and pleasure. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I feel like a brand new person!!!! I took that energy with me on a date”

If this sounds exciting to you (and maybe a little scary too — that’s normal), I invite you to apply for my Queens of Pleasure or Fabulously Feminine programs by clicking here now: www.violetlange.com/talk After you pick your time, you’ll be sent to a short application, and if it makes sense we’ll hop on the phone — that’s it.

Xoxo, Violet

The post Some GOOD NEWS for once! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Or maybe someone you met online was messaging you daily, but then stopped?

It’s one thing to attract a guy, but it’s another thing to keep the interest level high, for both of you.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women make in the early stages of dating is being too agreeable. Waiting (and waiting) for him to set the tone, and not sharing their own energy, ideas, activites, and dreams.

If he says “how’s your day?” and you say “good! How about you?” there’s really nowhere to go with that…so he doesn’t reply, and then you’re left asking him another question, and another question, and his responses get shorter and shorter.

Feel familiar?

Men don’t fall in love with someone who is “nice”…and even if you are “nice,” that’s probably not what captures his heart.

So take a risk to share more — more of who you are and what lights you up. 

We all want to give and receive energy when we communicate, not just exchange the standard pleasantries. Sounds basic, but most women aren’t skilled in this, so they wonder why things never really take off in their love life.

The women I work with learn how to express themselves online and in person in a way that’s magnetic to the masculine.

If you’d like to learn this too, just reach out and set up a free Love Strategy Session at www.violetlange.com/talk.

We’ll see what’s been going on in your love life, what you really want, and what steps you should take next. If it feels like a good fit for both of us, I may tell you about my program, or a I may not if it’s already full — but either way you’ll discover more about your communication and energetic patterns.

Don’t settle for “nice” communication — he won’t. Draw him closer instead.

 Xoxo,

Violet

The post How To Make Him More Interested appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

The post Is This Hard for You Too? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

“I’ve met someone that I like a lot…the connection feels so easy and complete. I laugh a lot.  He leads and I feel protected by him- it’s so wonderful to be able to relax and enjoy myself. My nervous system feels so great– I don’t have anxiety or worry about hearing from him, etc, I know I will, I know he’ll plan, and I know that I can speak up for myself.  I can see his healthy masculinity and the sense of ease/purpose in our dynamic. I left our last date thinking , “he wants to be my hero”…I’m so grateful for Queens of Pleasure” — Katrina

If you’re ready to meet your hero just set up a free Love Strategy Session call with me here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Healthy masculine…what is that? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

If not, don’t worry. Just do something different! Here’s what I mean…

You can either look at Valentine’s Day as something to celebrate, whether you have a partner or not, or you can look at it as something to get upset and bitter about (which won’t really open your heart to love). 

Why not celebrate love, on V Day and all days?!?

Here are three ways to enjoy this holiday while single:

One: Appreciate the Love You See

Instead of being bitter, what if you could be grateful for all the expressions of love? And know and trust that it’s going to happen for you too? One of the fastest ways to get what we want is to be grateful for it, in advance, and to visualize it happening for us. So why not look at all the V Day love and say yes, thank you for showing me it’s possible!

Two: Have a Self-Care Extravaganza 

Buy yourself flowers, enjoy a fancy glass of wine, dance naked in your kitchen — whatever makes you feel sensual. Focus not on what you don’t have — focus on all the pleasures you can enjoy. Or share those pleasures with someone who could use a pick me up — give a stranger a flower or a smile, or sign up for a volunteer event later this spring. 

Three: Make This The Last Year You’re Single!

One thing I always tell my clients is “This could be the last time you’re single! Wouldn’t you enjoy these weeks and months a little more?” One of the women I work with really doubled down on that idea — she made it her motto to enjoy every moment of being single, savoring it as the “last time” and now she has an incredible boyfriend of 6 months (who she met just 3 months after starting to work with me) because of the mindset and skillset I taught her. 

Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day, keep your heart open and keep moving forward. Set up a free call with me at www.violetlange.com/talk and make this your last VDay being single!

Xoxo, Violet

The post If You Don’t Have a Valentine, Do This appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Or do you want what I want?!?

I want something that probably won’t happen…

I want every woman to feel CHERISHED. To feel pampered, adored, and safe to be herself. Loved for who she is. Desired, respected, appreciated. 

The reason this won’t likely happen is not because of men, or the apps, or your age or looks. The reason this won’t likely happen is because not that many women are really willing to do this one thing…

Believe in themselves enough to receive healthy love.

Most women are scared of healthy love. But a very small percent of women are waking up to healthy love and feeling absolutely cherished and adored, on V Day and all days. These women are done wallowing in their suffering, done blaming men and external circumstances, done waiting (and waiting, and waiting) while love passes them by. 

They’ve decided, powerfully, that the only person who can change their love life is themselves — by treating their love life just like any other part of their life…something they CAN learn about, change, and improve.

In January our Queens of Pleasure group sold out. But I have 2 spots open for February. If you want to be one of the women I work with to upgrade your love life, just set up a free call here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Do you want this too?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Are you “evaluating” someone by the size of their bank account, job status, house, or height?

Truthfully it’s not the size of anything that really counts, because size is based on perspective. Something seems much bigger close up than it does far away. 

It breaks my heart when women let a great guy go because of something really superficial…

and it also breaks my heart when men let a great woman go because of something superficial. 

Both men and women are guilty of dating in a way that’s not deep or true.

Wouldn’t it be nice to stop dating based on size, and stop attracting men who are “evaluating” you in return?

Wouldn’t it be nice to not feel any resistance to a great guy, and just be able to focus on all the good things he offers?

The real reason we evaluate a potential partner is because once we let go of the superficial judgements, what’s left is OUR OWN STUFF TO WORK ON!

Whenever a woman digs deeper than the surface things that bother her, the biggest thing she finds is her own fear. Her own avoidance, her own challenges in accepting love. 

One of my clients met a guy who had literally EVERYTHING she was looking for…except he looked a little different than what she imagined. 

As we talked about how amazing he was with her kids, how generous he was with his time, energy, and money, and how aligned he was with her vision and values, she started to laugh, and realized that beneath her surface “complaints” was a deeper fear…that he would “leave” her because she wasn’t “enough” (once we learn to receive, we often fear that we are no longer “proving” how lovable we are!)

I helped her become the Queen of Receiving, to open her heart to his love, and to get comfortable with valuing his substance over his looks (he’s still attractive, just different than she had expected). Now they’re dating exclusively and enjoying each other so much.

If you want big love, stop dating according to size, and start dating deeper — yes, it will bring up all that’s not love, so you can heal it. But the journey is well worth it to have a true partner by your side. 

If you find you’re constantly pushing men away because they don’t measure up…or if you find you’re attracting men who judge you, then let’s talk. Something deeper is going on and I’d love to see if I can compassionately help you get to the bottom of it. Set up a free call at www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo Violet

The post How Big is Your… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

What would it be like if the guy was the one who kept asking to be exclusive — no guessing, no waiting, no wondering?

“He asked me multiple times if I was ready to be exclusive and saying he understood that I wasn’t as sure as he was so he would wait for me to get there…I agreed to be his girlfriend about 1.5 weeks ago!”

That’s what happened with my client Melissa, because she joined our program Queens of Pleasure to build her confidence in herself and her ability to find a good partner. 

And now she says, “I’m with someone who is crazy about me and treats me like a Queen every day. I can’t say how much this group has helped me over the last few months and I’m so happy with where I am right now.”

If you’re sick of dating without getting to commitment, let’s talk: www.violetlange.com/talk 

These calls are free (1 per person), but here’s the catch…

You have to be committed to yourself and to your vision of love, in order to get to commitment with a great guy. 

That means taking action, like setting up this free call, and showing up to the call ready to share and learn. 

That’s it! Single to committed in just a few weeks…but it starts with you <3

Xoxo, Violet

The post He Asked Her This… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I get VERY mixed opinions from women about this topic. 

Some women LOVE it, and some hate it.

Some women want to be romanced, and some want to opt-out.

Some women think it’s stupid and fake, and some women think it’s the best day of the year.

How do YOU feel about Valentines Day?

It’s in just about 2 weeks…and it can bring up a lot of stuff for people, from disgust and cynicism, to hope and pleasure.

Either way, if you feel a “charge” around the holiday, it’s worth exploring why…

Do you have dreams of being romanced that haven’t come true, and maybe you’re feeling resentful?

Do you have someone you’re dating and high hopes they do something special for you?

What do you want to experience on Valentine’s Day 2020?

What if you could not only be romanced and cared for, but also supported and loved?

If you want to feel expansive self-love, rock-solid confidence, and deep faith your partner is already on his way to you, just reach out for some support. 

One of the best things about the group of women I work with is how much they uplift each other, on Valentine’s Day and every day. In fact, my clients always say how the tribe of women in Queens of Pleasure is the most meaningful part of the journey, because the strength and wisdom of the group extends far beyond the course, and is bigger than their love lives.

To me, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to recognize and celebrate the love that is in your life, with gratitude and faith that it will continue to grow when you have the right support.

So even if you aren’t dating someone now, why not connect with a powerful community of Queens who make this day the most nurturing, fun Valentine’s Day yet? Just go to www.violetlange.com/talk to set up a conversation and see if it’s a good fit for both of us.

To women of love I get to work with, and to the right of every woman to feel adored and loved,

Xoxo, Violet

The post How do you feel about this?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Are you a great flirt, with magnetic appeal?

Or are you a great texter, with the perfect blend of witty banter and intrigue?

Do you like to date online, or meet people in the wild?

Is getting to commitment the easy part for you, or getting a second date?

Dating is a process — not a “wait for him to show up on my doorstep” fantasy.

And like every process, there are steps that feel wobbly for everyone who hasn’t learned the skills in that specific area.

Let me break it down for you — if you want a great relationship that lasts and even leads to marriage or building/blending a family, you need:

1–to know how to catch someone’s interest online and/or in real life, and be consistently attracting good men to you

2–to know how to flirt and message with ease, so these opportunities lead to an abundance of first dates

3–to know how to make the first date a huge success for both of you, so you feel confident about getting a second date

4–to know how to keep the anxiety at bay throughout the dating process with a foundation of self-love, self-respect, healthy boundaries, and an empowering mindset

5–to know how to build on the first and second dates to create a real relationship that leads to commitment

Plus you need to know how to navigate topics like intimacy, family, exes and more.

Which step of this process is the hardest for you? Where do you tend to get stuck?

Most women say they struggle with getting to commitment…but that step is predicated on having the right men approach you (step 1), and every step that follows. Commitment is like the icing on the cake, or the top of the pyramid. It only happens if the layers underneath are solid and true.

If you struggle with any part of this process — from first glance to “I Do” — it’s time to try something new. Just set up a call to get the direct insight and guidance you need at www.violetlange.com/talk 

On these calls, we go through your love life and the steps of the process so you feel confident about moving forward. But I only talk to a few women a week so select your time now: www.violetlange.com/talk

Xoxo, Violet

The post Which part is easy for you? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Have you ever felt so deeply challenged by someone that they inspired you to be your best self and grow past your limiting identities?

Have you ever experienced such profound intimacy that you forgot who you are and where you are, and you merged fully into ecstacy with another soul?

Sure, it’s nice to have fun dates and someone to take you out on Valentines Day and bring you flowers…

But it’s even better to experience Divine Union. 

Divine Union is NOT codependency — where you lose yourself and it brings out your worst.

Divine Union is love which elevates, heals, inspires, and transcends normal life. 

Divine Union will absolutely crack you open in the best possible way. It will shift your identity and your life. It will force you to unify all the various aspects of yourself so that you feel more whole, lovable, and powerful than ever before.

If you want a love that’s “convenient” — someone to fill a hole in your life or be on your arm or have all the same interests and no challenge — you’ll keep attracting partners who are also looking for “convenience.”

“Convenience men” won’t go out of their way to treat you well. They won’t text to make sure you got home okay. They won’t be looking for commitment, and they won’t like making the plans. They’ll want you when it feels good for them, but be strangely distant when it gets too real or complicated.

HOWEVER, a “convenience man” can absolutely become a loyal, committed, attentive partner who cherishes you — if, you also bring out the best in him.

Most women don’t know how to bring out the best in a man. They’ve been so hurt by men that they’re guarded, or competitive, or so independent that there’s no chance of an interdependent relationship.

Most women aren’t looking for Divine Union. But when we lower our standards, we get less of what we want. When we elevate our vision of love, we attract a true partner.

If you want to learn how to elevate your vision of love, and if you want to create a Divine Union, I’d love to see if I can help. Just set up a free call at www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Divine Union? Or Convenience? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

The post Where does true love start? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Single to Engaged in Just a Year?

Do you feel like love is far away, far out of reach?

Or do you feel like it’s right around the corner, but year after year, nothing changes?

Our perspective can get way out of whack when we want something, but aren’t getting it. We either think it’ll never happen, or we’re blindly optimistic, to our detriment.

Truthfully, love can happen fast — but only when we do the work and get help. 

Love doesn’t just show up on our doorstep if we haven’t actually changed our patterns of attraction, healed from the past, and learned the skills to date and inspire a partner to commit.

My clients Donna (with her fiancé pictured here!)  and Irina are perfect examples of what’s possible ONCE you commit to getting this part of your life solved.

Both Donna and Irina reached out to me for help knowing that despite having done lots of work on themselves, and despite being smart and successful, every year it was getting harder to think about love.

Within just 1 year of starting our work together, they both found their soulmates and had gotten engaged!

Both are planning weddings for this year.

Imagine getting engaged in 2020, and planning a wedding for next year…so much can change when we change. Are you in? It’s simple — just set up your free Love Strategy Session here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Single to Engaged in a Year ?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I’m so happy for the recent dates of my clients who are enjoying new adventures with chivalrous men like these below.

If you’re ready for dates like this, what are you waiting for?!? 

As one of my clients told me, “If I hadn’t signed up to work with you, I’d just have been making excuses for another 20 years and would have ended up alone.” It’s a new decade — your cocoon time is over and it’s time to fly!

The post Living Proof that Chivalry is NOT dead! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Massive shout out to single moms. Dang. I recently became a mother, and I have so much compassion for all moms, but especially single moms. 

I cannot believe how much energy and care it takes to raise a human, and I can’t imagine doing it alone. So if you’ve been raising kids solo, for any amount of time as a mama, kudos to you. 

Most likely, you made a tough choice to leave a situation that wasn’t good for you or your children. Most likely, you’ve had to be the CEO of your household, while still working 50 or 60 hours a week at your regular job, while being the disciplinarian / setting the boundaries AND giving all the love in your family. 

I imagine you barely have time some days to shower, let alone go on a date. I imagine you barely have the energy to get your kids dressed, let alone get dressed up to go to a singles event. 

And yet, I also imagine that finding love is even more important for you — giving your kids a good role model for healthy relationships, getting pampered now and again by a chivalrous man, and having someone else to support you emotionally and even financially.

I am so proud of my clients who are single moms. They show up to our group calls, do the homework in the course, and date in a way that’s really efficient. In fact most of my single moms say they don’t have time to meet someone in the wild…which is why I help them to date effectively online. 

My client Sandra is the perfect example — she met her man on only the 4th first date she had after being single. Can you imagine meeting your soulmate on just the 4th date after going online for the first time?

If you’re thinking you’ll wait until your kids are grown to find love, you might be missing out, and your kids might be missing out too. Your time and energy are precious, but they multiply when you have good love and someone strong, responsible, and caring by your side. 

If you’re a single mom, and you want to have a great partnership but you’re not sure where to start, I’d love to see if I can help. But first I have to know your history and your patterns, and what you really want — then we can go from there. Let’s see what’s possible by booking a free call at www.violetlange.com/talk. Your time is valuable, mama. I promise we’ll go deep, be efficient, and clarify what to do next for love.

Xoxo, Violet

The post This is for single moms… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Is this your new normal?!?

What are you putting up with in your love life?

Is there something your friends tell you is “normal”, but it just doesn’t feel good to you?

Many women have found their standards, and their self-esteem, slowly erode until feeling bleh about love is just their “new normal.”

When we experience something for long enough, we start to expect it to always be that way.

Do you believe it’s “normal” to attract scammers online, or “normal” for men to only want physical intimacy, or “normal” to attract emotionally unavailable men?

Are you putting up with dating feeling like a job?

Are you putting up with on-again, off-again cycles of dating where you feel good at first but after a few months on the apps you need to take a break, only to repeat the cycle a few months later?

What if your “new normal” was men treating you like a Queen?

What if your “new normal” was getting asked out in real life at events and parties and even at random places? 

(I once got asked out at the gas station, seriously, by a doctor filling his tank at the next station!)

What if your “new normal” was men asking you to be exclusive and looking for commitment?

The women I work with get compliments like “you look amazing, radiant, and very hot!” after years of feeling low about themselves in dating…without changing their appearance, just their energy. 

The women I work with have men going out of their way to see them, just for a quick coffee date.

And the women I work with have men proposing to them, less than a year after meeting (like my clients Donna, Irina, Susan, Averi, Christi, and more).

Upgrade your sense of normal in 2020 — I’d love to show you how. Just book a call at www.violetlange.com/talk now

Xoxo, Violet

The post Is this your new normal?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Do you feel like love is far away, far out of reach?

Or do you feel like it’s right around the corner, but year after year, nothing changes?

Our perspective can get way out of whack when we want something, but aren’t getting it. We either think it’ll never happen, or we’re blindly optimistic, to our detriment.

Truthfully, love can happen fast — but only when we do the work and get help. 

Love doesn’t just show up on our doorstep if we haven’t actually changed our patterns of attraction, healed from the past, and learned the skills to date and inspire a partner to commit.

My clients Donna and Irina are perfect examples of what’s possible ONCE you commit to getting this part of your life solved.

Both Donna and Irina reached out to me for help knowing that despite having done lots of work on themselves, and despite being smart and successful, every year it was getting harder and harder to find love.

Within 9 months of starting our work together, they both found their soulmates and had gotten engaged!

Both are planning weddings for this year.

Imagine getting engaged in 2020, and planning a wedding for next year…so much can change when we change. Are you in? It’s simple — just set up your free Love Strategy Session here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Single to Engaged in Just 9 Months?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Don’t let things be negative or hidden. Show others powerful love and intimacy by being an example like my clients below.

If you want to be a woman who inspires others like this, just set up a free call — we’ll help you identify, and reach, your highest vision of love: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post What are you teaching others about love? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Have you ever seen a handsome guy, felt his interest in you, but then you totally froze?

Have you ever had a guy flirt with you online, but then it fizzled out?

Have you ever had a date who gave you a compliment, but you brushed it off?

We think we have all the time in the world…but life does pass us by, most significantly in the moments when we shut down. 

I see women shut down all the time. And I don’t blame them — there are a million reasons why you probably learned to be self-sufficient and guard your heart.

But guarding your heart won’t get you love. And there’s no way to open your heart in those now or never moments of love without learning, and practicing, staying open.

The two biggest problems I see in women who are looking for love but haven’t found it are:

1– trying to do it all themselves

It takes relationship — human contact and insight — to create a relationship. You can’t learn this from a book!

2–losing these now-or-never moments

Because they don’t have the skill, confidence, or practice to keep a glance, a message, or a date going.

We expect men to take all the risk in dating — getting down on one knee, approaching us at an event, sending the first message online. 

But truthfully the woman has the power and control, and she is making the first “move” by signaling her interest. 

Too many women don’t know how to do that when it really counts.

If you know you need help with the now or never moments of love, consider this:

NOW is one of those moments.

You can either forget this email and keep going with what you’re doing, and end up in the same place romantically,

Or, you can stay open and get some support by setting up a free call at www.violetlange.com/talk 

What do you choose?

Xoxo, Violet

The post Now or Never? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

We just restarted Queens of Pleasure after my maternity leave, and our January class is almost full. There are 3 spots left to join and start your year with a focus on love — so you can have a blissful Valentines Day and even make 2020 the year you get engaged.

Have you ever wondered what to put in your online profile, or what to say over text, or how to talk about commitment?

Have you ever struggled to change the type of person you are attracting over and over again?

Have you ever known “intellectually” what to do in dating, but struggled to actually set healthy boundaries, be vulnerable, and flirt with ease?

You won’t get what you want in love (or in life) without changing your thoughts, words, and actions. Which doesn’t happen without new skills and support. You can’t date from your head — it requires head AND body AND heart. 

My signature program Queens of Pleasure is designed to give you everything you need to go from single to happily in a committed partnership, while feeling fabulous along the way. Just last year we had 13 women get engaged or married. 

I only work with a handful of women at a time, so if you know something’s gotta change this year for love, reach out now at www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post We’re Just Getting Started! 3 spots left appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I’m looking for FIVE amazing women who want to transform their dating life from the inside out and make 2020 their year of love!

Five women who are ready to embody their feminine energy, date effectively (and efficiently), flirt with confidence, and attract the love of their life.

This involves intensive coaching in group and 1:1 formats while learning new skills in dating, vulnerability, femininity, communication, and commitment.

The women I am looking to help find their soulmate are unique — they are ready to:

• Be in control of their dating destiny 
• Go on more dates — and better dates — starting in a few weeks 
• Have multiple fun options for Valentines Day
• Make 2020 the year they find their person 
• Get this part of their life figured out, for good 

Are you a woman who is ready like this? 

And are you also in integrity, with an open heart, with the other parts of your life stable so you can focus on lasting love?

If that’s you, send me an email at violet@violetlange.com and describe what you want in dating and love, and I’ll get you the details.

Xoxo, Violet

The post Are You A Woman Like This? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

What sort of romance do you want to inspire? How do you want to be loved?

For love like this — or your own unique real-life-fairytale — let’s talk! www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post Her New Year’s Romance… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Mmm. Love! What could be better? 

Did you know a 75-year long Harvard study found that RELATIONSHIPS are the number one predictor of happiness and health?

Not your bank account, your house, or even your vacations (unless those things are shared with someone you love).

So, how are you doing in your relationship? Do you have one? Is it flipping fantastic where you do the happy dance when you get out of bed?

All the things we typically prioritize in our New Year’s Resolutions are by-products, symptoms, of a much larger problem or opportunity — LOVE.

If you get that right — and find a great partner — you will automatically have better health and happiness. That’s a tremendous upgrade, right?

I spent the first 30 years of my life not feeling very fulfilled in love, friendships, or family…

And it cost me crippling anxiety, fear, isolation, and heartbreak.

2019 was a crazy year for most people. I have loved the chaos and expansion, and I also have learned some lessons. 

One of the benefits of the tumult of this past year is that I have such freaking fantastic relationships AND total emotional resiliency.

What benefits do you want in 2020? Health, happiness, love? Married people not only have those things, they also make more money and live longer than single people.

What are you waiting for? The perfect body, situation, or time in your life? That’s never going to happen. The perfect time for love is RIGHT NOW. When you have love, everything else falls into place.

Xoxo, Violet

PS the most powerful thing you can do this year for love is set up a free call to talk with us. I know that’s a bold claim, but I have a signature process to get absolute clarity on what’s been holding you back, what you truly want in romance and partnership, and what to do next. Get your free spot now at www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Prioritize this One Thing in 2020 for Absolute Happiness appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

What’s the most important habit to break right now?

This time of year is all about letting go of old stories, challenging our limiting beliefs, and setting ourselves up for success in 2020 — in life and in love.

One of the biggest problems I see during this time — which could instead be a time of optimism and preparation — is women getting stuck in unhealthy thinking.

When you have a break from your normal routine (which many of us do during the holidays), do you ever feel like you’ve got too much time to think?

How often have you noticed a little reminiscing suddenly spiral into self-doubt?

Have you ever allowed being heartbroken to cause you to feel “mind-broken” — analyzing old memories and being super hard on yourself?

I know what a big challenge this is, because I’ve seen so many women get “stuck” this time of year…

Instead of celebrating what went well, they fixate on what wasn’t perfect…which takes the wind out of the New Year’s sail 🙂

A woman I worked with initially didn’t believe love was possible for her. She had almost given up.

Within weeks of working together to shift her beliefs and align her mind/body/spirit, she met an incredible man.

Not only did he end up proposing to her 8 months later, but he also bought her a new car this Christmas. Like the bow-on-top in the driveway sort of thing. Literally!

When she texted me the picture I almost thought it was a joke!

As she proved, negative thinking might be the most important habit we break.

Why?

Beliefs are like living organisms — they grow, whether they’re good or their bad.

Like Mae West said, “too much of a good thing is wonderful”

But too much of a bad thing can ruin more than just a moment…

It can create a toxic thought loop that keeps you just out of reach of your dreams…single for too long…3 month or shorter relationships…settling for the wrong one.

You are too awesome to waste this precious time of year on unhealthy beliefs leading to unhealthy habits and then watching another day, month, or year goes by…

You have so much love to give, so much beauty to be admired, and so much captivating complexity to be appreciated, and it’s been locked away for too long.

You deserve 2020 to literally be the BEST YEAR of YOUR LIFE!

And when a woman is lit up in love, and able to give her radiance to the world, not only do you light up in all the other parts of your life, but the entire planet receives your divine feminine wisdom.

I’ve seen so many women find their person and watch their career and their creativity take off.

Now is not the time to let our old negativity carry it’s cloak into the future. It’s time for something fresh. Don’t miss it 🙂

Xoxo,

Violet

PS If you’re tired of putting one foot forward and taking two steps back…or getting blown off course easily by one text from an ex…I’d love to talk. Mental resilience and breaking the bad habit of negativity aren’t things you learn out of a book…they are skills you develop and condition. Set up your free 45 minute Breakthrough to Love session here and get the clarity you need to wrap up 2019 in a powerful way and start your 2020 right!

The post What’s the most important habit to break right now? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Do you find yourself saying you want love, but not getting it?

Do you daydream about your man and your future, but can’t seem to have good dates that actually go anywhere?

Do you tell yourself that you’ll make time for love, but end up focusing on work or the gym or helping others — at the expense of you actually getting what you want?

So many times in life we put our precious energy into “getting ready”…Could you be doing that too? And could it be keeping you from love?

Here are examples of “getting ready” instead of actually getting a RELATIONSHIP:

1. Focusing on your exes or the past and believing you need to heal all of that before you find your true partner

1. Focusing on your weight, your hair, your looks in any way, believing that you can’t find love until you are different

1. Focusing on what your friends or family say about love and believing the myths that “love happens when you’re not looking” or “you can’t hurry love.” Those are cultural lies told to keep women disempowered!

1. Focusing on what apps to use or what your profile says. None of that matters if you don’t have the right heartset or mindset. We can get lost in the world of “tactics” as a distraction from actual relationship. We do need dates, but the dates are not relationships!

1. Focusing on going out with your girlfriends hoping to meet guys and then getting caught in the bar scene or in the trap of comparing yourself to other women.

1. Focusing on casual relationships or friends-with-benefits until the right guy comes along, believing it won’t distract you or keep you from finding love.

1. Focusing on reading blogs or watching videos without implementing anything — believing that information without accountability and support is enough to change your love life.

If you found yourself nodding your head or saying yes to any of these seven things, it means you’ve been putting your valuable time and energy into getting ready, and it’s keeping you from getting love.

This is a huge problem, because it’s sneaky — it makes you feel like you’re “doing something” but it’s actually keeping you from the end result you want: healthy, lasting partnership with an incredible human!

What’s the difference between getting ready and getting love?

Women, like Ainsley, work with me because they are sick of spinning their wheels and investing in these old habits that push love away. 

Ainsley was focused on her exes, her looks, what her brothers had to say, and an on-again off-again “relationship” that wasn’t meeting her needs. 

I showed her how to actually get love using my signature process, and within 3 months she was dating a great guy and feeling like a Queen. 

What changed? She finally got the tools and support she needed to have the right mindset, heartset, and skillset in dating and love. She stopped getting in her own way because she was being held accountable…she was being guided step-by-step through my program…and she was being cheered on and encouraged by the other women in the group.

If you want love, you have to do something different. Don’t fall into the trap of those 7 “getting ready” symptoms above. Those are just warning signs of a larger pattern — accidentally pushing love away. 

The first step to doing something different is to take a small, easy action, which is why I’m offering free Love Strategy Sessions for only 5 women this week. I don’t want to see you, or any other woman with a good heart, start this next decade behind or stuck. 

These are 45 minute free calls, but you have to be committed to love and ready to talk about your love life. I’ll guide you through my signature process to see what’s been holding you back and what it is that you really want. 

If it feels like I can help you get there, I may tell you about my program for love, or I may not — we only work with a small group of women at any time, which is how I can ensure they get such great results. If we decide not to invite you into the program, don’t worry, I’ll steer you in another direction. Either way, we’ll have a lot of fun and you’ll get a ton of clarity and value.

Make your 2020 different in love — I promise you it is way more fun and easier than you think when you have the right support. 

Set up your free Love Strategy Session here: www.violetlange.com/talk

Xoxo Violet

P.S. if you feel like you’re not getting anywhere in your love life, you may be focused on the wrong things — you may be focused on “getting ready” instead of actually getting love and a partnership for life. If you’re ready to find love and stop spinning your wheels, let’s talk. Set up a free 45 minute Love Strategy Session here — sign up now because I am only talking to 5 women this week: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Are You Ready for Love or Only Getting Ready? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

In case you didn’t see my message from the 21st, we’re doing a special little gift for you to help you find love and feel empowered in your relationships…without settling, without going on a million dates, without anxiety about love. 

But today is the LAST day you can save 20% off our 2019 prices. That’s it! Just use the code GIFT.

Look, you don’t have to do one of these courses. But do SOMETHING for your love life, because it’s not going to get better on it’s own.

Online program not your thing? All good — my Fabulously Feminine course has 2 group calls a month + Facebook and email support…

and my course Queens of Pleasure, which has EVERYTHING you need for relationships and love, has multiple group calls a WEEK + 1:1 calls with me + text, email, and Facebook support.

You can still save 20% off on Trust Yourself, Win in Online Dating, and Fabulously Feminine. 

But if you know you want love fast, without having to do all the work, and with me guiding you each step of the way, just set up a free call.

There are only a few days left this year and this decade. Do something different, for you! 

Xoxo, Violet

The post Last Chance! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Have you ever wondered what’s REALLY stopping you from attracting an absolutely incredible love?

Have you ever thought “omg I must be really messed up! I must be blocked! There’s something wrong with me!”

I’m here to tell you that’s crap. You are divine perfection. You are not wrong. You are holy.

There is a light in you with which to attract your partner, and through that partnership, completely and totally change the planet and your life.

But single ladies, let’s be honest.

Are you mostly or mostly *not* living in that light?

My experience talking to thousands of women is this:

Your light, it has been dimmed.

It has been smothered by the to-do list.

It has been crushed by 2019.

Or it has been turned completely off — by trauma, tragedy, or heartbreak.

Make no mistake ladies — your powerful, feminine light is there…no matter how tough it has been.

And this light has a PURPOSE:

You are here to love and be loved.

To give the gifts of your heart.

To melt in total pleasure and delight.

You were not meant to go through the motions or become one of the boys.

Are you revealing the light of your heart?

Are you listening to what she says she needs?

It is time to wake up to your greatness, to your light.

When you do not, the consequences are severe:

A string of first dates which go nowhere…

Three month relationships imploding and leaving you confused…

Settling for someone who doesn’t match you physically, intellectually, emotionally…and then being cheated on.

Hiding out on online dating when you know you’d rather meet your person organically.

Anything is possible when it comes to love.

Every day I help women call in their King, normally in just a few months.

And you know what often surprises them?

Attracting a lifetime man is NOT about perfecting your body or getting better clothes or hitting the clubs.

It’s about YOU.

And the simple shift to see and CHOOSE your own feminine greatness.

To step into the power of being a woman, instead of playing small.

One formerly-single woman, who I’ve been working with for just 3 months, now has a healthy, exclusive relationship where she feels safe and wanted.

She knows how to get what she needs and express her truth.

He listens, he is affectionate, and they have a lot of fun.

She says it’s the best relationship of her life…

All because she made a powerful choice.

What will you choose?

Going through the motions, or a brand-new level of love?

Xoxo, VioletPS if you’re sick of not being chosen, or choosing projects but neglecting your heart, let’s talk. This is my favorite time of the year to make rapid growth and set yourself up for a totally new experience in 2020. There are spots available for free special breakthrough to love sessions here.

The post Has Your Light Been Dimmed by This? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Hope you’re hungry! There are delicious nibbles and entire meals spread out for you to enjoy…to warm your heart and fill you up and return you back to love. 

And the best part? There are other incredible women here to witness, love, and support you on your journey.

Okay, so this is a cheesy metaphor, but truly, I want to give all the tools and knowledge I have to you! 

This year I developed more new courses than ever before — it’s like all the wisdom, experience, and teachings I’ve been developing suddenly became even more crystal clear. I hear that incredible creativity is a side effect of pregnancy — so thank you baby Ruby 🙂

While Queens of Pleasure, my signature program for dating and love, gets the best results on the planet (we’ve had 13 women get engaged or married in 2019 alone), I know that some of you are looking for something more a la carte.

So here’s the deal — you can access my other courses right now for 20% off. 

Not because they’re all of a sudden less valuable — in fact every time a woman I work with gets engaged, goes on a great trip with her guy, or heals her broken heart, the work I do becomes even more precious. As this momentum of love and incredible results continues to build year after year, these courses become MORE valuable. As a result, I will actually be increasing prices in 2020 because right now I’m offering them at a steal.

But…I know sometimes we need a little jump start to take action on our behalf.

So this is my gift to you — use the code GIFT when you check out now, and get 20% off any of my courses (excluding QOP). 

I am only doing this for a day or two, because I like to reward action takers. People who take action fast always get the best results. I’m just saying, it’s not my job to coddle anyone…it’s my job to get those who are willing into a great love. 

So if that’s you, here are the links:

Trust Yourself in Relationships www.violetlange.com/trustyourself

Win in Online Dating www.violetlange.com/dating

Fabulously Feminine www.violetlange.com/fabulously-feminine

If you don’t take action now, not only do you miss the 20% discount, but you also will miss out on 2019 prices. But more importantly to me, you’ll miss out on love. 

We are in a new era, and a new decade, where no one has to be disempowered in relationships, settle, or live life alone. The tools, technologies, support are here for you — but you need to show up. 

So, take action now, see you on the inside, and enjoy the feast!

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. use the code GIFT to save now on 2019 prices and more importantly, save yourself from your next heartache and instead find lasting love.

The post It’s a Buffet of Love <3 Will You Join Me? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Did you spend Christmas Eve just waiting, waiting with excitement to see what you’d get the next day?

We don’t mind waiting when we know something good is coming 🙂

But finding love is a little different than finding presents under the tree. Because most women’s mindset about dating and love…well, it sucks. Instead of anticipating the good, we dread the bad and stay closed off to love.

It takes patience to find love, yes, but more importantly, it takes a willingness to grow, to change, to reinvent yourself.

Have you ever seen a woman who was so stunningly beautiful you stopped to stare? Or have you ever meet a woman who was so giving, so generous, so loving, that your own heart opened too? 

Have you ever seen a powerful couple totally in love, holding hands, whispering, lighting up the world with their joy, and wanted that too? Love like that is palpable.

Powerful women aren’t just born that way. They CHOOSE to be powerful, in life and in love.

Most people wait until the New Year to reinvent themselves. 

But why wait to become a woman of love, if waiting means you may miss out on your soulmate? 

The holidays are actually one of the best times to meet someone. I met my husband in December, my first boyfriend in December, and another long term boyfriend in December. 

This is the time of the year we return to the important things in life — like love, partnership, commitment, devotion, loyalty, and giving.

So if you wait until January or even Valentines Day to get started, it may be too late if you want an incredible relationship…

More people find love from November to February than any other time of year…but you have to get the skills to take advantage of this season. And it takes a month or so to learn those skills (for many people it takes years or decades, but my clients learn in a matter of weeks).

As a woman, you are PRIMED to reinvent yourself. We are so much better than men at change: changing ourselves, our looks, our attitudes, our skills, our life. 

But it’s pretty hard to do that all alone, in an area of life so riddled with landmines…”how do I use the apps?” 

“why do I have no interest in the guys who like me but the ones I want pay me no attention?” 

“If I attracted cheaters in the past will I keep doing so again? How will I know?” 

“No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get to commitment — what gives?” 

“People tell me I’m intimidating…but why should I give up my assertiveness and confidence?”

“When is a good time to be intimate? Does it really push a man away?”

If love were easy to find and keep on its own, everyone would be in a great relationship.

So if you’re reading this, it’s a perfect time to reach out for help. I’m offering my signature Love Strategy Sessions again now. 

They’re free, BUT, you have to be serious about finding love — I’m not here to convert the skeptics. I’m here to help heart-centered women who know they want love, but who just don’t know how to get it.

If that’s you — if you’ve decided you want love, if you’re committed to having partnership, and if you’re willing to learn the right skills and tools to date effectively and attract the love of your life — then let’s talk.

The longer you wait to take action the less likely it is to happen. So get out of your own way, stop just “waiting,” and take the next little step to reinvent yourself as a goddess of love now.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you know you want love but your mindset or fears are holding you back, or if you’ve convinced yourself you just have to “wait” it out, you’re blocking your partner from finding you! It’s not just about you missing out — he or she is too, and everyone around you who could be learning from your example of love. I’m here to help but only if you’re committed and determined — I can’t coach someone who’s not open to change. Good news is, women are amazing at reinventing themselves and creating the life they want, once they have the right support and tools. Find out if that’s you by booking a free Love Strategy Session here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Are You Waiting on This?!? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

You might know me as someone who has been helping thousands of women find love. But what you might not know, is that when I myself was looking for love, I had a massive problem. A big blind spot. It was keeping me from feeling confident about dating, which made finding love pretty much impossible. 

On the outside I looked successful, because I had graduated from Harvard Business School and was a well-paid executive coach. But deep down, I wasn’t actually in touch with my intuition. I didn’t know how to trust myself. 

This led to me dating all the wrong people, staying for too long, and shaming myself for my divorce. It led to me getting swept up in the drama of dating, only to get ghosted or cheated on, and not be any closer to love.

Truthfully, I was afraid to trust myself, and I had no idea where to start. I had spent my life pleasing others and didn’t know who I actually was, in life and in love. I was afraid if I was vulnerable, that guys would judge me. I was nervous that if I started to follow my intuition, I would end up all alone. I believed in other people way more than I believed in myself, so I endlessly sought the opinions of my girlfriends or my therapist, but none of them were really able to guide me where I wanted to go — which was to find the love of my life and get married.

One day I hit a breaking point. I was supposed to go to New York City to see my boyfriend at the time, and when I arrived at the gate and they called my zone, I simply could not go. I felt something for the first time — my gut sense — and more importantly, I actually followed it. I was terrified, but this was a changing point that has affected my entire life. Turns out that guy had been trying to sleep with one of my friends. But had I gotten on that plane, I don’t know if I would’ve been strong enough to end that relationship. I would have swept things under the rug. I would have put his needs above mine. I would have stayed stuck in my habit of trusting everyone but myself. And the big tragedy of that would have been never meeting my husband Jason or having a family I love. But so many people don’t have the skills, tools, or insight to follow their intuition. They stay trapped in fear and miss out on so much love.

I don’t want you to have to get to that breaking point, where it’s as severe as your boyfriend cheating on you with a friend. I don’t want you to have to pack up your little suitcase and go all the way to the airport only to return home. I want you to be able to trust yourself in every stage of dating and relationship — from when you first meet someone, to each text you send, to having those difficult but rewarding conversations about exclusivity, intimacy, getting married, and more.

I realized you don’t have to be super spiritual, you don’t have to be superwoman, and you don’t have to push people away. In fact, the more you trust yourself, the more people will be drawn to you, for the right reasons.

I realized that if I could work on trusting myself, which I had been practicing and working on before that pivotal moment at the airport, I could build this muscle of honoring my intuition, and get more love in return. 

I started really working on the skills needed to trust myself, and everything changed. Dating and texting and swiping and all of that was no longer a black box of confusion and heartbreak. It actually became fulfilling, insightful, and fun. In fact just two weeks after the airport disaster, I met a great guy out and about whom I dated for 4 months, and not too long after that I met my husband. 

And that’s what I want you to know is possible.

• Do you have a hard time attracting and keeping a healthy partner?
• Do you second guess how to flirt or what to say over text?
• Have you stayed too long with someone who doesn’t treat you well?
• Do you find yourself people pleasing others or giving away your power?
• Do you get nervous when you think about setting a boundary or speaking your truth?
• Is this one of the reasons you haven’t taken steps in the direction of healthy partnership which actually lasts with a high-quality partner? This love that you know you want, you know would set your soul on fire and light up your life, but for whatever reason you have self-doubt?

Well if the answer to some of those questions is yes, I want you to know this.

Trusting Yourself is a skill, and that means anyone can master it.

In the Trust Yourself course, what I teach you are the exact fundamentals that I used to completely change my love life and create a healthy lasting partnership with tons of love and passion, and zero drama. And I’ve helped thousands of women do the same.

It’s not something you’re born with. Granted, some people seem to be more self-assured than others, but every single one of us has the ability to deeply trust and honor ourselves in life and in love. 

You might trust yourself in your career, but lack self-trust in dating. You might trust yourself with your health, but lack intuition or speaking your truth in your relationship with your family.

I’m here to tell you that you can build the intuition, the courage, the trust in yourself that you need to do those things and really feel like you’re living as a woman of love with healthy relationships in every part of her life.

I mean the last thing in the world that any one of us wants to feel is that we weren’t able to live and love from our heart, or that we were living other people’s dreams by pleasing them instead of having the confidence to trust ourselves and reach our true potential.

I want you to do that with comfort. I want you to feel calm about it. I want you to feel good about it. I want you to inspire the people around you with the way you live your life and the relationship you have, leading by being an example of healthy love.

So I invite you to join me in Trust Yourself. This is a special opportunity to connect to yourself in deeper and higher levels than ever before. You’ll learn how it is that people who trust themselves attract more trustworthy people, the right people to have around them. You’ll learn how to follow your intuition and speak your truth, which people will respect and admire you for. You’ll learn how to step out of your fears and self-doubt and feel really good about yourself and take the next step and the next step connected to your mind, your body, and your heart.

See that’s how Trust Yourself works — in steps, just like any other skill you learn. It gets better and better and easier and easier as you go along. We start off slow and build these muscles, and each and every lesson you’re going to feel more and more like the woman you were meant to be — a woman of love who gets exactly what she wants and needs in her relationships. 

So, today I want to invite you to take action and click the link here to join Trust Yourself with me and a bunch of other people who want to help you become the confident, open-hearted person you’ve always wanted to be. 

This is a $500 program. But for a limited time we’re offering it at less than $300! That’s just incredible. And we’ll never offer it at this rate again. 

So I want you to take advantage of this and start trusting yourself today. So click the link here and let’s get started!

Xoxo, Violet

The post Do you have issues with this? I did… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I’m so happy for my clients as they are: 

*getting third and fourth dates

*staying in their pleasure and their power

*messaging / texting in ways that are fun (not stressful)

*AND, getting asked out multiple times in one week by men in real life!

Not to mention healing, growing, and even enjoying buying a new car while being treated like a Queen.

Way to go Queens! If you want a love and life like this, just reach out at www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

The post I love my Queens!!! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

It’s the 7th day of December and I have SEVEN gifts for you! It’s my treat to tide you over while Mr Right is getting his gift together (and while you’re learning how to find and receive his love with my help).

These are our top seven videos and podcast episodes, delivered straight to you and guaranteed to light you up!

Gift 1 — Top 5 Mistakes Texting with the Masculine: https://youtu.be/Uad35jq2tog

Texting & communicating with the masculine…don’t make these 5 mistakes! How we show up over text does affect our dating life, for better or worse. Watch to learn how to win in love (and win his heart) over text.

Gift 2 — He IS Interested in You!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyVqmwxK4Q

Have you ever wondered if a guy is really interested in you? Have you been confused if he likes you as a friend or more than that? Is it challenging to pick up on his signals and does this leave you feeling frustrated? Watch to learn that yes he really may be that into you!

Gift 3 — The 7 Ways of a Deeply Feminine Woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PSl7S30Edw&t=3s

Ready to be a deeply feminine woman? Guess what? It is a LOT of fun. But it does take practice and skill. Listen now to learn how. This is one of our top ranking episodes EVER!

Gift 4 — Top 3 Qualities Men Find Attractive in Women: https://youtu.be/MrNw7ClHYSs

What do you think men find attractive? If he can’t see you, he can’t find you. But what is he looking for? It’s probably NOT what you think it is! Watch to find out what healthy men want. The good news? These aren’t things you’re born with — these are skills you learn.

Gift 5 — Celebrating the Divine Feminine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=56KnVfzYwh8&feature=emb_title

Connect with me and other women in a heart-opening discussion about the Divine Feminine. Now more than ever the world needs Her, and it needs YOU! 

Gift 6 — What to Do When the Person You’re Dating Disappears: https://youtu.be/xZ-h3PiKrPg

Learn how to authentically bring the healthy masculine back to you even when it feels like he’s pulling away. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop or agonizing over what’s changed and why he’s being so distant. 

Gift 7 — Self-Worth…What Happens in our Love Life When We Don’t Have It?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUQfpX_ANRw

Self-worth…How do you know when someone does have it? How do you know when a date has true self-worth and isn’t just posturing? Join us for a special episode on self-worth and self-value with coach Tammera Logan.

Enjoy unwrapping each of these gifts and happy holidays!

xoxo, Violet

The post On the 7th Day of Christmas… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

This year I got to realize a dream of mine — to support others through their trauma by giving a percentage of my business to special organizations I love. 

In fact we gave 10% of our profits away this year. Because I’m not just passionate about healthy relationships, I’m passionate about ending the cycle of abuse. 

I believe when we have healthy relationships — interdependent relationships built on trust, self-expression, dignity, positive intimacy, and love — we have healthy children, healthy families, and a healthy world. 

Today is Giving Tuesday — so now it’s your turn 🙂

Here are the two organizations I’ve supported this year.

Click on their sites, give what you can, and change the world one woman at a time.

Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation

Project Satori

“We can do no great things. We can only do small things with great love.” — Mother Teresa

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. please consider being a part of Giving Tuesday around the world by supporting one or both of these organizations to end the suffering of abuse and exploitation: Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation and Project Satori. When one woman heals, she pays it forward for another woman and our society becomes healthier for all.

The post My Favs for Giving Tuesday appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

What’s the one thing you really want this year for the holidays?

I bet it’s not something you can get on Amazon 🙂

Most women are aware of the things they desire…which tend to be “things”…

But not every woman is in touch with what she LONGS for…

How about for you? What is it?

To be held and to feel cherished?

To have a life partner who can support you AND inspire you to dream bigger?

To trust yourself and know you’re worthy (and capable) of great love?

Someone sexy to bring to your holiday party or to kiss you under the mistletoe?

Even if you DO know what you long for, do you have the skills, mindset, and feminine energy to actually receive your longings?

Gifts come and go. So do houses and cars. Bank accounts go up and down. So does our weight.

What if love was something you could actually depend on?

What if love was something consistent you could actually trust?

If you’re single, you may have a hard time trusting love. There is probably a mountain of limiting beliefs in your mind about men, dating, relationships, and even yourself. 

These beliefs are keeping you from attracting the love of your life, and keeping you from trusting YOURSELF in love.

One of the most powerful shifts that happens right before my clients meet a partner is that they start to trust themselves in relationships. They stop second guessing what they wrote in that text, stop agonizing over an ex, and stop staying too long with the wrong guy. They start to honor and develop their intuition in love.

And from this foundation of self-trust, they get what they want, quickly.

Because I’m out with baby right now, I’m not taking on new clients. But I do want to help you find love, especially this time of year. 

Whether you’re casually dating someone…

Or not dating anyone at all.

Whether you’re in a relationship that’s crumbling…

Or exclusive but wanting to make sure you get engaged or move in.

The key skill you need is to trust yourself in love.

So I’ve created a training for you that maps out how to:

• Believe in Yourself
• Develop Your Intuition
• Attract Trustworthy People
• Communicate Better
• Enjoy Your Relationship

Create the trust within yourself you need to conquer your fears, stop self-sabotaging, and have the love and relationship you dream of!

Go to www.violetlange.com/trustyourself and get instant access to:

• My signature Trust Yourself system
• Dozens of audio and video files
• Empowering Beliefs playbook
• Guide to Inner Child Affirmations
• Seven specific tools and practices to implement right away
• The trust you deserve to create relationships (and a life) you love!

Plus These Amazing Bonuses When You Sign Up Now: 

• $200 off 
• Masculine and Feminine Trust in Relationships Audio Guide with Jason and Violet 
• Special Bonus Guide: The Top Ten Ways to Build Trust with Your Date

Sure you could try to wing it on your own, but I wouldn’t want you to start 2020 behind. You could have this course done in a matter of days and be in a totally better relationship in weeks. 

It’s your choice.

You never know how long your potential partner will be single before he or she finds someone else, or how long your partner or friend will put up with all of your fears, anxiety, and complaints around dating. 

So this is your first step in trusting yourself — trust yourself and your value enough to say yes to yourself and yes to love! Let’s get started!

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. if you’ve wanted to trust yourself in love, so you make better choices, attract trustworthy people, and don’t have to go through another holiday alone, go here now for love: www.violetlange.com/trustyourself

The post Is This The Best Gift? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Today I want to thank YOU! Thank you for being in my life and for being an advocate for love.

Thank you for cheering each other on, continuing to believe in healthy relationships, and role-modeling empowered feminine energy for your children and everyone around you.

Over the last 3 years I’ve trained over 20,000 women on love and femininity. We are building a global revolution of love!

Each time you read a message from me and open your heart or date in a way that’s discerning or reach out for help, you are changing the game when it comes to healthy, interdependent partnership.

This type of relationship not only changes your life, it changes our society.

For you today, I am grateful.

And as a thank you, today you can still get my course Trust Yourself (violetlange.com/trustyourself) for free when you sign up for Win in Online Dating. My assistant Elizabeth will get you all set up just click here and register before midnight.

May your HEART (and your belly :)) be full today, and may your mind be clear, as you create and are surrounded by great love.

Xoxo, Violet

The post Special Thanksgiving Thank You Today! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Super short message for you today! If you’ve been wanting to get my course Trust Yourself for free, you only have until Thanksgiving to sign up! That’s just two more days to get TY for free.

All you have to do is join Win in Online Dating and you’ll get Trust Yourself in Relationships (or TY as we call it!) for free!

Here’s what makes these two courses so powerful together:

Win in Online Dating ($697 value, now $200 off)

Everything you need to know about creating a winning profile, choosing the right pictures, using the best app for you to meet your partner, and having a powerful mindset to win in love. There are six juicy videos with all you need to win online, plus I will even personally write your profile for you and help you select the right photos! 

AND

Trust Yourself in Relationships ($497 value)

Violetlange.com/trustyourself

Everything you need to know to trust your intuition and stop getting burned in life and love. Seriously, this is the biggest skill that’s missing for most women. We stay too long, we choose the wrong partner, or we let people at work or home walk all over us. OR, we second guess ourselves and stay trapped in exhausting anxiety. There are eight videos, a beliefs playbook, and seven practices specifically designed to empower you right now in all of your relationships (even with your friends and family).

This is the rocket booster combo pack you need to thrive in love. But I only have time to write a profile or two because it’s the holidays, so sign up now:

www.violetlange.com/dating

After Thanksgiving you won’t get this special bonus offer so if you want a free course, click the link above. 

That’s it! Thank you,

Xoxo, Violet

The post Only Two Days Left to get TY for Free appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

How long have you been waiting for love? A few months? A few years? A few decades?

I still cringe when I hear that old song “You can’t hurry love” — the Phil Collins version played a lot when I was younger. 

It makes me SO mad that we have a narrative, mainly for women, that we are powerless when it comes to love. Sure, we can climb the corporate ladder and break the glass ceiling, but when it comes to love we have to wait. 

How infuriating! Can you imagine telling your daughter (if you have one) that she just has to wait to be successful? Or telling your friend she just needs to “wait” to be healthy?

The myth is you can’t hurry love. And it’s a bunch of frustrating B.S.

The truth is, love is something you should pay attention to, and that time does run out. 

I can’t tell you how many women I talk to who are in their 40s or 50s and haven’t ever had a great relationship…because they stayed too long with the wrong guy or they were just “waiting” and waiting and waiting for love.

One woman I worked with came to me at age 42, without ever having a real relationship. She was a virgin, but more importantly, she had never experienced love. 

Within 6 months she was going to Kauai with her boyfriend, who paid for the whole thing, because she decided to stop “waiting” and decided to start seeking counsel in this part of her life.

But she did get help and guidance to learn how to date effectively. 

She stopped believing that love was something she just couldn’t “hurry” and she actually did something about her love life, in a hurry. And then something she’d struggled with for two decades happened in less than 6 months.

If you’re sick and tired of waiting for good love, learn how to Win in Online Dating.

Just go to www.violetlange.com/dating and sign up now to get the discount and bonuses, including my course Trust Yourself in Relationships for FREE! At a $497 value it’s the perfect supplement to Win in Online Dating so you can make the most of those great dates and find love this year.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. I hate to break it to you, but time does run out, in life and in love. You never know how much time you have and you never know how long a great partner is going to be single — I don’t want you to miss out if you don’t have your skills together. Honor yourself and take action on your behalf by getting the support and guidance you need, and when you sign up now you’ll get Trust Yourself in Relationships for free: www.violetlange.com/dating 

The post Does This Make You Mad, Too? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Do you seem to attract men who are nice, but never make a move or actually ask you out?

Or guys who seem cool, but then start sexting you and pushing for the physical?

Do you attract scammers or time-wasters who build a connection, only to leave you hanging or feeling like you’re on a roller coaster of emotion?

Most women do not have a good profile. Even on the apps without a lot of room to say much, like Tinder or Hinge, what you DO say really matters.

I’ve helped women go from zero dates (like none in a year) to eight dates in two weeks, with solid, healthy men. All because I changed their profile.

You might think you can just write whatever you want, or have your friend help you out. But that’s wrong — we don’t just “write whatever we want” on a resume, we use a template.

So if you’re not having fun online and attracting the guys you want, something has to change. 

Which is actually simple — you just need the right formula for putting yourself out there in a way that feels GOOD for you and is effective too.

Most profiles lack warmth, depth, mystery, and authenticity. They’re either a checklist or a romantic paragraph that says nothing really about what they truly want. They’re either too demanding or too much of a fairytale.

I write my clients profiles for them, using my signature process, to take the guesswork out of it. And we revise it until they’re happy and getting what they want! Tons of men actually message my clients telling them how drawn they were to their profile:

“Hi Violet! I forgot to mention to you that Ron said he had to message me because of how deep I went in my profile!! He really liked what I had to say and what I was about. So thank you for helping me express who I am and what I’m looking for!!” — Elle

Because I hate seeing so many women suffer online when they could be having a lot of fun and feeling good about love, for just a few days I’m opening some spots to write profiles — yes, by hand, customized, for you, so you can win in love and find a good match online.

But you have to sign up quickly because I can only do a few. 

The good news is that when you sign up now, not only will I help you craft the best profile, but you’ll also get all the tools you need to Win in Online Dating. 

AND, you’ll get a free Bonus LIVE Q&A with me happening Tuesday November 12th! (plus the replay for life)

This will be my last live call before baby comes, so if you want to win online and make love last for you this year, and get my help with your profile, sign up now at www.violetlange.com/dating 

See you on the live call and looking forward to creating your magnetic, authentic profile!

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. is your profile working for you? If you’re not getting the interest or dates you want, I’m here to help — now is your time for love (there are more people online now than ever, but you have to have a great profile). Sign up for my help in customizing your profile, your pics, and which app you’re on, and get a free Bonus Live Q&A on 11/12 too. Register now at www.violetlange.com/dating 

The post Is This Missing from Your Profile? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Let that sink in — just TEN more weeks until the 20s!

What has the last decade been like in your love life?

If I were to guess, probably full of ups and downs, and at least a heartbreak or two. Or maybe you’ve been single most of this past decade, closed off to love. When was the last time you felt totally cherished and adored and committed to?

What do you want to create in this next decade of your life for romance and relationship?

Will it be full of triumph? Or full of stress?

Full of loyalty? Or full of fear of being cheated on?

Full of fun and passion? Or just passing each other in the house like roommates?

Love in the 2020’s will be DIFFERENT than in this past decade.

Look, more changed from 2010 to 2020 than in most of the rest of history for love.

We had an onslaught of apps…in fact Tinder didn’t even start until 2012…

But not that many people are meeting online (a full 30% of people online have never meet anyone from online according to Time Magazine).

In the past decade, we got introduced to (and you personally probably suffered through) ghosting, breadcrumbing, friends-with-benefits and other not-so-healthy situations.

And I recently heard that it’s common for 20-somethings to be checking Instagram WHILE being intimate. That’s hardly “making love.”

So what will the next decade be like in dating? From what I predict, there will only be a very small percentage of people finding and keeping lasting love, with high-quality partners.

The overwhelming majority of people in the next decade will instead:

*Struggle online (only 20% of relationships start online, even today, 19 years after eHarmony launched in 2000)

*Continue to be distracted and lack emotional connection

*Choose the wrong partners and repeat old patterns

*Struggle to understand masculine and feminine dynamics, as many men become more feminine and don’t want to ask a woman out

*Get trapped in talk therapy or coaching that’s only about “mindset” without actually healing the emotions / limbic system and physical body from heartbreak or abuse

This is not a pretty picture.

So if you want this next decade to be BETTER than the last decade for your love life…

If you want to meet the partner of your dreams and keep it going strong, all the way down the aisle and beyond…

If you want to be EMPOWERED in your relationships instead of reactionary or confused…

If you want to start a family or introduce your kids to a healthy role model…

Then one thing has to change. The good news is, it’s something you have total control over.

YOU!

I get it — change can be scary. But if you don’t change, nothing will change, and chances are it will actually get worse.

This next decade is the realization of a beautiful dream I have had for over 10 years…my dream of becoming a mom.

The reason my dream is actually happening, instead of staying stuck on a vision board, is because I made it happen with my choices.

I chose to get help — I hired therapists, coaches, healers, you name it. I stayed devoted to my path. And when I found out that most of that stuff didn’t work for love, I found and created the tools that did and now have a system that works.

The women I mentor are meeting incredible partners and getting married or moving in together or going on exotic trips. They have elevated themselves beyond the mess of modern dating and found what they really wanted — LOVE.

I have two spots open in my Queens of Pleasure program. But they are only for women who are absolutely committed to changing the paradigm about relationships. Only for women who have DECIDED that yes they will have lasting love and healthy partnership.

If that’s you — if you’re committed and decisive — then let’s set up a time to talk for a free Love Strategy Session.

My program is not for everyone; it’s an intense but loving journey. But hey, getting a great relationship in a few weeks or months vs wasting another decade means there’s got to be transformation happening. The good news is I give the best support in the world and will be with you every step of the way.

There are a few openings in my schedule over the next day or two to set up time with me to see if you qualify for joining my program. Book your time now: www.violetlange.com/talk

Love in the next decade is going to be harder than ever. Set yourself up for having the fulfilling, safe, passionate relationship you’ve always wanted by getting the tools to win in love now.

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you know you want a great relationship in the next decade…to find your forever person…take action now. There are fewer and fewer people getting into healthy relationships and I don’t want you to miss you. Set up a time for your free Love Strategy Session here now: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Are you ready? 10 weeks til the next 10 years… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Fifty years ago (or even twenty), there was far less selection when it came to dating. Now there are new apps launched all the time, but no one seems that much happier in dating and love… and only 20% of new relationships start online.

There’s an exception though — a small group of women who are changing dating and how to find love, making it so much easier for themselves.

If you’ve been online dating for more than a few months…

If you’re been going on more than a date or two a week…

If you’ve been networking hard and being super social in the hopes of finding your guys at happy hour…

Then chances are you have been through — or are currently in — dating burn-out. 

This is a problem because if you’re feeling cranky about dating and love, you’re not exactly putting out the right vibes for romance.

I remember getting into those funks, and it would just get worse and worse, attracting lower and lower quality guys, like a dark cloud over my life, until I got frustrated enough to give up for a few months, dust myself off, and then try again.

But that cycle is exhausting!

The women who are loving dating, and successfully using dating to find love, are taking a different approach than the feast-or-famine mentality.

I teach these women, my clients, a strategic approach that’s a blend of three things:

Online (but using online in the right way, to attract higher quality men — I even write all of my clients’ profiles for them)

In-person (but at events that actually feel good not just singles mixers or going to the bar — I show my clients where to go in their area to find their particular match)

Set-ups and synchronicity (yes, you can leverage the law of attraction and your network to find your King — my program is designed to attract your mate on a spiritual level too)

The key is to do these things in the right way, with the right energy. Dating is not a numbers game, it’s an energy game. 

Which is why focusing on the apps or dating activities without first doing your work (to heal, to integrate your mind/body/heart, and to find your feminine essence) will always result in burn-out.

If you’re feeling exhausted by dating, and haven’t dated in a while, or are still on all the apps unsuccessfully, you’ve got to get your mind/body/heart in the right place AND learn the right way to date effectively using the strategic approach I teach my clients.

This is how to date like a Queen, attract your King, and feel Fabulously Feminine alone the way. Sound good?

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. if you’re sick of dating but are ready for love, let’s talk! Set up a free Strategy To Love Session Call with us. We’ll ask you some questions about your love life, and see if it’s a good fit to take the next step. If so, we’ll set you up with a free Strategy Session with one of our Love Success coaches to map out a game plan for you. Get started dating in a way that’s healthier and more effective (and actually leads to a great relationship) by going to www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post What to Do If You’re Feeling Burnt-Out on Dating? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Have you been thinking that love is all about what you give to your partner?

Have you gotten overwhelmed or exhausted by giving all the time, only to have the relationship end?

In the past, co-dependent relationships were the norm, and in some ways necessary. Life was too tough to go it alone, or people stayed together for the kids.

But now most relationships are failing. It’s not enough to stay together for the kids, and it’s not enough to settle for someone who sucks your soul, just for the financial payoff of having a partner.

So many people have decided to be single…but they don’t have to be if they want love. You don’t have to be single, if you decide you want to learn how to date effectively and build a healthy partnership.

But your focus needs to be less on “what can I give to this other person?” and more on “what can we create together?”

The best relationships have a shared purpose. A vision beyond each individual person which gives meaning to their love, and gives back to humanity.

This may look like being a role model for your kids, or your community, of what love looks like. It may be creating art together, or a service project. 

It’s no longer just about finding someone to meet your needs, whom you’re also okay with meeting their needs. It’s about creating love which does so much more.

What will co-creative love do for you? Will it inspire you to start a business? Will it lead you to new travels or new adventures? Will it entice you to write a children’s book or design clothes or plant a community garden?

Who will you become when you have a solid, fulfilling, passionate partnership? Will you become bigger? More expressed? More confident? More playful?

If you tend to get worse in partnership — more anxious, more controlling, more sad — then something is off…love is meant to give us more and give the world more.

But you may not have learned how to do this, especially if you never saw this kind of love growing up, and especially if most of your friends just complain about their partner.

One of the most important things in finding a great relationship is to have a vision of love which brings the best out of you, contributes more to the planet, and keeps you going through the uncertainty of dating.

If you struggle to have a big vision, or if you struggle to believe in it, or if you struggle to know how to bring it to life, you need help! But it can be fun and smooth with the right support and system. 

This is my speciality — helping women find and keep lasting relationships with expansive love and lots of creativity. See if we can help at www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo Violet

P.S. if you’re sick of the cycle of codependent relationship, then being independent, then getting back into a codependent relationship again, when what you really want is an elevated, co-creative love, let’s talk. Set up a free Discovery Call with us here now: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post What Will Co-Creative Love Do For You? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Have you ever felt your love life dwindle into nothing? No prospects, no fun?

Have you ever had a relationship that started out hot and sweet, but got super boring super fast, and all of a sudden there’s nothing to talk about? 

When we lack creativity in our love life, relationships get boring, we get burnt out on dating, and we lose touch with ourselves. 

But when you keep the creative juices flowing, you’ll always be meeting new prospects and feeling alive and vibrant about love. And when you start a new relationship, it will get better and better instead of fizzling out.

The key is to stay in touch with your own creativity.

This might look like painting, or cooking, or taking a new class. 

Or it might look like salsa dancing, a meet-up group, or a solo trip somewhere you feel called.

So many women put their lives on hold, for their work/career, or because they’re waiting for their partner to do all these things with.

Don’t wait to live your best life!

While living your best life is not enough to attract your partner (you also have to have the right skills and energy for dating),

It certainly makes dating and relationships more fun and more likely to last.

Would you rather hang out with someone inspiring, brilliant, and dynamic?

Or someone who just talks about their work and the traffic?

I always encourage my clients, no matter if they’re just starting to date again after a few years of a dry spell, or if they’ve been dating unsuccessfully for a long time, to be sure they date themselves too. 

You have to know your desires and passions and follow them.

When I met Jason, I was taking weekly pottery classes and dance classes, I had a part time job that I loved as a hobby (giving Reiki sessions), and I even went to Japan by myself for 10 days to see the cherry blossoms.

He found it totally magnetic that my life was so rich and full. 

It was in stark contrast to the last woman he had dated, who was in a total rut in her life…while they were together for 4 years and it never led to moving in together or talking about marriage, he dated me for 8 months and then proposed.

Living your most creative life captivates the masculine, makes you more happy, keeps you young, and brings new people into your life.

And just as importantly, creativity is related to our sensuality and femininity, since our creative chakra (our second chakra) is the same place as enjoyment, pleasure, emotion, and sexuality. 

The more you stoke your creative fire, the more you’ll be getting in touch with aspects of the feminine and aspects of love.

Taking a painting class may not bring you your man…but neglecting your creativity not only will make it harder for you to find each other, it’ll make you dull along the way.

I teach my clients how to honor their creative impulses and fall in love with their life, as they learn how to date effectively, meet their partner, and create a beautiful, lasting love. 

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. Creativity keeps love going strong and invites the right person towards you sooner than when you put all your energy into work or the apps. But creativity isn’t enough. If you’re ready to feel turned on by life, connected to your creativity, and naturally drawing your guy towards you with skill and ease, let’s connect. Just set up a free 20 minute Discovery Call at www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post Keeping Your Love Life Creative appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I’m just curious…on a scale of 1 to 10, how fully are you allowing yourself to be seen by the world? (with 1 being a hermit and 10 being absolutely radiant and expressed)

Ok now I’m also just curious, on a scale of 1 to 10, how boldly are you sharing your gifts with the world? (with 1 being “I didn’t know I had gifts” and 10 being “I offer my best self every day with joy”)

Both of these questions — allowing yourself to be seen, and sharing your gifts with the world — are absolutely related to living in your feminine energy.

See the mistake most women make is in thinking that femininity means being small, meek, and passive. Nothing could be further from the truth! That’s just the type of femininity that the patriarchy has told us is feminine because it’s easier to control.

True feminine energy is vibrant, alive, sassy, radiant, passionate, and bold. It may boldly internal or cool at times (think Ice Queen energy)…but it’s still very intentional in its expression.

One of my favorite things about helping women is seeing them blossom into their full divine feminine power…this ALWAYS makes them more money and attracts higher quality men to them.

But this looks different for every woman, because every woman has a unique feminine essence. 

The common factor is that when a woman is fully expressed in her femininity, she is seen. The world takes notice. And she has the healthy boundaries to shut down any unwanted attention without guilt or shame. Nothing, and no one, will dim her light.

If you’re hiding your light out of fear, or hiding your gifts out of misplaced feelings of unworthiness, the world is suffering. 

Each time you allow yourself to be seen, and allow yourself to give and receive fully, it inspires another woman to do the same…and this is what will change the world — women helping women.

It’s Your Time! Be Seen, Queen!

But, don’t do this alone. It can feel scary (aka vulnerability hangover) to be seen, and we need to have the right energetic boundaries in place to blossom sustainably and safely. If you struggle with being seen, reach out for help here: www.violetlange.com/talk 

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you are ready to be seen…and if you are ready to date like a Queen and attract your King, while feeling fabulously feminine along the way, let’s talk. Go to www.violetlange.com/talk to set up your free 20 minute Discovery Call. We’ll ask you some simple questions to see if we can help you, and if so, we’ll invite you to a free strategy session where we’ll create a roadmap together for your love life. Just book your time here now: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Be Seen, Queen!!! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I was almost 38 when I first started trying to get pregnant…

It took me ten years to find my partner (which is why I’m so devoted to helping women find their guy in weeks and months, not decades)…

And now I was worried it would take me another four or five years to get pregnant…or worse, maybe I would never get pregnant at all.

I knew I needed more support than just reading books and taking prenatal vitamins.

So I reached out to my friend Marco Lam, an acupuncturist in Boulder Colorado who is well known for helping women over 35 get pregnant.

He developed an herbal formula for fertility called Freya. It was easy to drink — I just mixed it into warm water every morning and night — and it was pretty tasty unlike a lot of Chinese herbs.

Within 3 months I got pregnant! And I was SHOCKED! The average time it takes to conceive when you’re over 35 is nine months…so it happened for me twice as fast.

Unfortunately, that pregnancy didn’t stick (1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and it’s even higher when you’re older)…

But miraculously, because of Freya, I was pregnant again just two months after the miscarriage. 

This means I got pregnant TWICE after we started trying — two pregnancies in just 6 months. 

And now I’m almost six months along in this healthy, beautiful pregnancy with a lovely little girl. 

I knew I wanted to help more women get pregnant faster, easier, and more naturally, which is why I co-founded Freya with Marco and my husband Jason, and now we’re helping women all over the United States improve their fertility and their cycles. 

We have 2 other Freya Babies on the way with women who’ve used Freya and loved it!

Our baby Ruby arrives in November and I am so excited I cannot wait! It’s something I’ve wanted since I was in my early twenties. Ruby, we love you so much!

Whether you’re single and looking for your mate, dating someone new, or in a serious partnership if you know you want to have kids…

And if you know you want to protect your fertility so it’s fast and easy when the time is right,

Then check out Freya and get 10% off for being in my network.

To all the babies to be and mamas who are ready to conceive (or just ready to not have anxiety about their fertility),

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. If you want kids in the future, it’s time to protect your fertility now so you can trust your body and make it happen faster, naturally. Just follow this link to save 10% https://freyahealth.com/tenoff

P.P.S. We now have two women who’ve had babies because of Queens of Pleasure, my signature program on dating and love! If you are reading this thinking “but Violet, I don’t even have anyone in my life I’m interested in!” then set up a free discovery call with us here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post How I Got Pregnant, Quickly and Naturally appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Are you taking dating and love WAY too seriously? 

Are you responding to his messages like a deal-maker, or a love-maker? 

Ironically, the more serious of a relationship you want, the lighter you need to hold it and the more fun you need to have. 

I am NOT saying to put up with nonsense, or feel like you need to date casually forever. 

But what I am saying, is that if you’re used to running the show at work or pushing yourself hard at the gym, you may have turned into a hard-driver in dating too, which can totally backfire.

When we treat our love life like our work life, we respond to text messages in short, curt, harsh ways…

We get hypercritical of potential partners…

We focus so much on what we’re NOT getting that we forget to enjoy each message and savor each date.

Which makes the dating experience a total turnoff for an alpha man.

Sure, a more beta guy will love your hard-charging demeanor, but you’ll probably lose respect for him at some point and there goes the libido.

This doesn’t you have to smile all the time, or be sugar and spice and everything nice.

But what it does mean is that it may be time to LIGHTEN up. To actually have FUN with dating!

When my clients tell me they’re having such a great time — because the guys they meet are treating them like Queens, because they’re attracting way better men online, because these men are pursuing them vs leaving them with anxiety — my heart sings.

It’s so FUN to watch a woman fall in love with a HEALTHY man and with herself. And this never happens when she’s being hard on herself or a perfectionist with others. It always happens when we hold things lightly and remember to have more time for PLAY in our lives.

A true partnership will have plenty of challenges to work through as you merge two separate lives and keep your independence at the same time…

When we’re in true partnership, we bare our souls, and it can be messy.

The only way to keep dating (and relationship) going strong is to remember how to have fun too, and how to keep things light, fresh, and easy (without compromising your boundaries or your standards).

The more serious of a relationship you want, the more fun you need to have in your approach to love. It’s just that simple — but not that easy to implement. 

When Cassie started working with me, she had sworn off dating for years. 

Heartbroken from meeting men who only liked her power (but couldn’t hold her in her vulnerability, and who really wanted a mom more than a wife), she was sick of being rejected for showing who she was after the first few dates. 

In addition to that, she had dated a guy long distance for years off and on who never could really inspire her…they both danced around the issue of commitment until they got exhausted and gave up. 

Cassie’s life was rich and full — great job, loving child who was grown, deep spiritual life. But she was missing the one piece that pulled it all together, and was craving someone who would accept and cherish her for all she was, including when things were hard. 

One of the things Cassie learned in my program Queens of Pleasure (date like a Queen, attract your King, and feel fabulous along the way!) was to adjust her style of communication, and her energy, to have way more fun. She realized she was in work-mode all the time and it was pushing away the alpha men who DID want to pursue her. 

In addition we worked on her boundaries and her vulnerability, and we worked on her allowing herself to really be seen as the Queen she is, instead of hiding behind her work.

Now she’s dating multiple men, and having more fun than ever. She’s pacing these potential relationships slowly, savoring every step, and keeping it light. She’s a Queen afterall, so she has plenty of CHOICES now about who she wants to date and how she wants to feel. And the men keep coming back for more, even though there’s no physical aspect of these relationships, they have fun with her and desire her company, her brilliance, and her charm.

Are you ready to have your pick of alpha men? Are you ready to get into a serious relationship by having more fun along the way, without compromising your standards?

Xoxo Violet

PS if you have a hard time knowing how to date or how to attract an alpha guy…if you get too serious too soon…or if you get heartbroken with short term relationships over and over again, let’s talk. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we won’t know if we can help you until we talk with you and see what’s going on. Just set up your complimentary Discovery call here — it’s just 20 minutes and could totally change your life: www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post Want a Serious Relationship? Surprisingly What You Need… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

There are only two more days to be one of our contributors to CAASE…

And I have a surprise for you :)…

You may already have heard that I’m doing a special matching campaign where every dollar you contribute is matched by me AND by CAASE, which triples your impact on preventing sexual abuse and exploitation (read more about the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation program below) and supporting survivors. 

But what you may not know is that I’m also going to give a special bonus to anyone who makes a contribution.

This special bonus is something I save for my advanced clients…but because I want to support CAASE as much as possible and I know sometimes we just need that little extra motivation, I’m sharing something powerful with you…

if you donate (or if you have already donated in the last 5 days), I will be gifting you my Fierce Love practice for free!

This short practice is about harnessing your fire, being in your body, and giving yourself permission to feel your anger and to set healthy boundaries. All good stuff to know and do when we are championing healthy experiences for all — this includes standing up for others and not being just bystanders.

Just go here to donate, and then email me saying “I’ve donated!” — I’ll send you the link and secret password to the practice.

And check out more about CAASE below!

Xoxo, Violet 

P.S. want to know more about CAASE? Check out their News spotlight for great articles (I especially like the one from 7/1/19 about the 6 New Laws that Support Survivors and the one from 5/2/19 about teaching men about consent and prevention). And when you donate now http://caase.org/donate your donation will be matched by me and by CAASE (tripling your impact).

The post Only Two More Days to Support CAASE! Special Bonus appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

If you don’t know about Heather Urness yet, you will.

She’s a total bada$$ rockstar babe and a former Queen client of mine. In the last year, she launched an incredible non-profit called The Powerful Girl Project, which helps young women build healthy self-esteem. 

Heather also is involved with an amazing organization called CAASE: Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation. One of her friends at the gym invited her to a CAASE fundraiser, and she knew she had to get involved:

“The energy was uplifting and I felt empowered and connected. Survivors spoke about how CAASE was there as a resource and legal support when no one else was their advocate. Everyone I talked to was a really good human, wanting to do good work in the world.”

Because of Heather’s passion for CAASE, she became a co-chair for the Race for CAASE team this past June, where they raised more money than ever before and had a great turnout. See the pics below!

“There was a sea of orange shirts running together. It felt good to be around people championing the same mission. I felt inspired and so happy to be there.”

Heather is a champion for CAASE because they do legal support for victims of sex trafficking and violence, and they also do prevention through consent classes.

“I work with youth myself (through The Powerful Girl Project), and it starts with educating and informing how to relate to each other.”

When Heather told me about CAASE, I knew I had to get involved as well — changing how we relate to one another, while ending the suffering of abuse, is at the heart of what I do. 

CAASE does fundraisers like the Race for CAASE and dinners, and they have a few select volunteer activities if you live in Chicago. Plus they’re always looking for human rights attorneys who can do pro-bono work to support their clients.

But the biggest way you can support their work and change the world around sexual abuse and exploitation is by donating now. I’m matching dollar-for-dollar every donation, no limit, and CAASE will match your donation too — that means 3x the impact for every dollar you give.

This matching campaign is ending soon and I would LOVE to contribute a massive amount. Will you join the cause? Every dollar helps, but the most important thing is that you answer the call to give if it speaks to you.

Thank you for your loving support and generosity! 

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. I’m matching all donations dollar for dollar to CAASE (Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation) just for the next few days, to celebrate my birthday and give back. Join me and triple the impact at http://caase.org/donate

The post Queen Heather Champions CAASE — and you should too appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I am a survivor of sexual trauma. If you’re reading this, you probably are too — 1 in 3 women are (and those are just the women who report, meaning the actual number is much higher).

While the work I do to help women create healthy relationships is SO IMPORTANT, it’s just one piece of the puzzle…when a woman reaches out to me, her trauma is usually in the past, and she’s ready to find her partner (and do any healing needed to get there).

But what about people who have just recently gone through sexual abuse or exploitation?

CAASE (Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation) is an organization that helps with advocacy and legislation to help survivors get the justice and counsel they need. CAASE also supports survivors in their healing, and even does prevention-based classes on consent in high schools and other places.

I am passionate about ending the suffering of sexual abuse — and I am partnering with CAASE to support their efforts with a matching campaign this week leading up to my birthday. 

This means any donation you make to CAASE now through August 17th not only will help survivors and prevent future sexual exploitation, but I will match all the donations made dollar for dollar and CAASE will match it too. 

So your donation will have THREE TIMES the impact — all you have to do is decide how much to give (any amount, from $25 to $250 or more). Just put in the comments my name (Violet Lange) to help us track your generous contribution to ending sexual abuse and exploitation Give here now. 

The greatest gift I could receive for my birthday this year is knowing that we collectively are ending sexual abuse and exploitation. Knowing that my daughter-to-be Ruby will live in a different world than I did — a world that’s safer, with swifter justice and more support. To live in a world where consent is the norm and healthy sexual expression is valued. 

I recently did a podcast episode with the Executive Director of CAASE, Kaethe Morris Hoffer, which goes live today in iTunes (just search Violet Lange’s The Pleasure Path to listen and subscribe). 

You can learn a little more about her below and by listening to our recording — and by getting involved with CAASE by volunteering or donating (all donations will be matched by me and CAASE, tripling your impact).

Kaethe is a powerhouse in changing our society. Kaethe has been working against sexual inequality and sex-based violence for more than twenty years, engaging in feminist advocacy and litigation in many venues. Examples of Kaethe’s past work include the following: Internationally, she represented Equality Now in United Nations proceedings that created the international law against sex trafficking, and served as project manager for a precedent-setting civil lawsuit led by Catharine MacKinnon on behalf of survivors of Bosnian-Serb rape death camps. At the state level, Kaethe served on Governor George Ryan’s Commission on the Status of Women in Illinois, through which she co-authored the Gender Violence Act, and assisted in the development and passage of the Civil No Contact Order Act and the Victims’ Employment Safety and Security Act.

Help me celebrate my birthday by paying it forward for everyone who is struggling to reclaim their body and their voice. I’m so excited to see what we create together! And I am not placing a ceiling on the matching campaign so if you want to give a big amount, I welcome it — make me stretch!

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. women supporting and uplifting women is changing the world and we need your help! End the suffering of sexual abuse and exploitation by supporting CAASE and every dollar you give will be matched by me and by CAASE, tripling your impact. Give here now: http://caase.org/donate

The post What I REALLY want for my birthday appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Or do you ever have a crush on someone, and think the best way to let him know you’re interested is by helping him?

Have you ever offered to help a man, or chimed in with advice, and felt him go cold?

I hate to break it to you ladies, but men do not respond to help the way women do…

Oftentimes what we would do so easily for a friend, totally backfires when we do that for someone we’re dating or crushing on.

Why?

Because the masculine thrives on HEALTHY CHALLENGE. He needs to go through a challenge in order to grow — not because you are the one challenging him (although sometimes you are!), but because you BELIEVE in his ability to thrive in any challenge.

Every time you give him unsolicited advice, what he hears is not your devotion, but your fear that he can’t figure it out on his own…

Every time you offer to help, to make his life easier, he thinks “oh, she doesn’t mind doing things for me without me even asking — cool” and he puts you more and more into the “mom” category…

Every time you decline his offer to help you, and put the focus instead on him, the more he gets comfortable receiving and the less likely he is to give to you, or to the world, his best self…

It can feel totally unnerving to NOT be able to help your guy,

Until you realize that the best way to help him is to BELIEVE in him.

If he says he had a tough day at work, instead of going into problem-solving mode, how about saying 

“Wow, sounds rough. But you’re smart, talented, and the best guy they have on that project. I know you’ll figure it out.”

Put your FAITH into him, not your fears, and watch how he transforms into his masculine energy.

When we tell a man “I know you can do this” or “I trust you, I know you’ve got it handled”, he puffs up. He remembers oh yes, I DO know how to do this and he feels motivated to figure it out.

When we pick him apart, second guess him, or criticize his efforts so far, it’s emasculating. He will be more likely to become sullen or withdrawn, which just makes the feminine feel rejected and needy, causing her to put MORE energy into wanting to “help” him, repeating the vicious cycle.

Do you love your man — or your potential partner — enough to believe in him? If you don’t trust him or respect him, you’ve got inner work to do or maybe it’s time to choose a different partner. 

When I teach women how to do this — how to attract higher quality men that they inherently respect and believe in…how to communicate in a way that builds him up without mothering him…and how to keep love going strong even when their man is struggling — their whole world changes. 

Instead of seeing men as “not enough”, they see men for who they really are…capable, and still figuring things out (like we all are, right?) 

Take the pressure off both people to be perfect and focus on the perfection of love flowing in each moment.

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you tend to attract needy men, or tend to push away the high quality, masculine men you desire, then something needs to change in your energy and your communication. This is our specialty, and we’d love to see if we can help you. Set up your free 20 minute Discovery Call with us here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Men don’t need your help, they need THIS… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Do you go back and reread your texts, wondering what you said wrong?

Do you swing back and forth from “playing it cool” to being really flirty and warm, and not know what to do when?

The truth is, there’s no silver bullet to texting, because even if you memorize a certain way to text, if it’s not authentic, it’ll backfire. 

However there ARE guidelines and tips that can make your texting way more effective in keeping the relationship going and inspiring him to make the next move (without feeling needy or desperate or manipulative).

I teach my clients those guidelines in the Texting 101 portion of my course Queens of Pleasure (all about dating like a Queen, attracting your King, and feeling good along the way!).

So I’m pulling back the curtain here to share with you the top three things that push him away over text…

Don’t do these three things over text if you want to build a solid partnership!

FIRST Texting No-No: Don’t text him a ton of questions rapid-fire

Sure, you can ask questions and get to know someone. But if you don’t give him a chance to respond, it starts to feel overwhelming. When we ask a bunch of questions it’s normally because we’re not comfortable with the silence, or we’ve put our focus WAY too much on the other person and lost sight of ourselves. However, if you never ask any questions, the conversation can stall…

SECOND Texting No-No: Don’t focus so much the plans and logistics

Oftentimes women get insecure if there’s no plan for the next date. But a lot of men are taking it date by date and feeling into the connection — remember, men make micro-commitments…they commit a little (like sending a text, or going on one date, or sharing with you an article) and see how (or if) it pays off. Whereas most women plan in advance, make big commitments, and get ahead of themselves. This can be a big mismatch. Be okay with NOT having the next plan made and let go of having an agenda.

THIRD Texting No-No: Don’t criticize or complain over text

Look, I get it — life can be hard and we all have down days. But if you’re always criticizing people, being negative, or complaining about your life, it’s a big turn off. It’s not his job to coddle you or cheer you up — although as you get closer to one another, when you’re vulnerable he will naturally want to emotionally support you. But as you’re texting and getting to know one another, there’s a big difference between being vulnerable and being whiny. Know the difference 😉

Have you made these mistakes before? And are you ready to text in a way that’s totally enticing?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you can’t figure how why and how men text, or how to keep things getting better and better in between dates, let’s talk. We help women every day figure out how to communicate effectively over text, especially in the early stages of dating when things are just starting to heat up. Get support here by booking your free Discovery Call at www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post Do not text this if you want to bring him closer… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Are you sick of guys just wanting one thing?

Are the men you meet online being totally inappropriate, and you’re not sure how to respond (if at all!) or how to change your approach?

Do you struggle with knowing how to be flirty over text, but not have the guy take it too far?

It’s easy to blur the line via text from getting-to-know-you vibes to getting-in-bed vibes…

And a lot of women I talk to are either totally shut down and being put into the friend zone, or are accidentally giving the vibe out that they’re into just a physical connection.

This is a big problem because you need healthy emotional intimacy along with chemistry to make a relationship last long term and keep it going strong.

When I first started working with Ally, she was tired of all the men she met online taking it way too far too soon. She was actually fairly conservative, but the way she was communicating with men verbally and non-verbally wasn’t working.

Through my program Queens of Pleasure, I taught Ally how to pick up on the subtle and not-so-subtle cues about the way men communicate.

I taught her how to be her in feminine power and sensuality, without feeling inauthentic or desperate.

And she learned how to flirt in a way that was effective for relationship, not just for dating, but without scaring the right guy away.

Now she’s engaged to a total King — someone who challenges her to be her best, emotionally supports her and uplifts her, and someone she respects and is totally attracted to! In fact they have incredible passion, built on a solid foundation of love.

One of my favorite things to do is to help my clients find their connection to their sensuality, and teach them how to express it boldly…without making the relationship overly sexualized and without making them feel like an object.

Another one of my favorite things to do is write my clients’ online profiles — they tell me later they can’t believe how much better the men are who reach out to them, and how happy they are to finally be seen in a way they’ve always wanted. 

If you’re sick of the sexting, inappropriate pictures, and low-caliber men approaching you and wasting your time, let’s talk. 

You can create a great relationship that starts online — in fact half of my clients meet their guy online, which is way higher than the average (only 20% of relationships in the last year started online).

But you have to know how to navigate this tricky topic to stay in your power and keep things flowing.

Most women want to desired AND respected. How about you?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you aren’t sure how to text, or how to get from messaging to relationship, or if you seem to attract the guys who just want one thing, don’t stay stuck. We help women every day to change their patterns and to attract better partners, while feeling empowered and in their feminine flow. Set up a free 20 minute discovery call with us here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Let’s Talk about Text ;) appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

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The post First do THIS in order to receive love appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Do you ever find yourself lost in your emotions, without direction?

Do you ever find yourself handling your life like a boss, but feeling bitter and resentful?

If so, you’ve been living in primarily your feminine or your masculine energy.

This can be a big problem, because life and the next level of consciousness is asking you to INTEGRATE the masculine and feminine energy within you, so you can create a sustainable partnership.

The dance of the masculine and feminine is absolutely beautiful, and powerful. In fact what could be more powerful and precious than creating new life? A baby is made by this dance, and we call it a miracle. Would you like more miracles in your life?

We can only create something new — a new relationship, a new business, a new habit — when we allow both our femininity and our masculinity to shine and be strong.

Recently I did a two week retreat in Egypt on just this — awakening to my highest gifts through activating my inner masculine and unleashing my inner feminine.

After doing so many years of feminine-based practices, it was incredible to feel the power and wholeness of bringing the masculine back into my life in this deep way.

At the Sphinx, I felt both energies, and at the Great Pyramids too. Later in the trip, we went to the ancient temples of the goddesses Isis and Sekhmet, and the ancient temples of the gods Horus and Ra. During the “rest” times, instead of sleeping, I was so energized and inspired I started creating my next course, Fabulously Feminine: Archetypes for Abundance and Enchantment. I am SO excited to share with you later in the summer this course and these divine codes to unlock more prosperity and romance in your life.

Have you been waiting to create something new for yourself, but feeling overwhelmed? There’s a need for more masculine structure, direction, and agency.

Have you been wanting to receive something new for yourself (a new lover, a new idea, a new boon), but feeling dried out or closed off? There’s a need for more feminine receptivity, lusciousness, and allowing.  

I believe the paradigm of relationship is shifting…it’s not just about finding your feminine. It’s about integrating your feminine and masculine and attracting a partner who is balanced in that way.

If you are attracting men who don’t have their life together, who are perhaps more in their feminine energy, you may be more in your masculine.

If you’re attracting men who have their life together but lack sensitivity and empathy, who are perhaps more in their masculine energy, you may be more in your feminine.

But if you want to attract a masculine man who is also kind, generous, and awake, it’s time to harness the power of both energies within you.

Jason and I are both feminine and masculine. Jason has a huge heart, and knows how to love me so well emotionally and otherwise 🙂 I have huge drive determination, and I know how to get stuff done which benefits both of us. 

It is this blend of energy that makes our relationship so deep and dynamic. 

If you want this type of relationship, and this level of power within yourself, check out this FB live video I created last night sharing more about my journey and inviting you to take this journey to love for yourself too:

Xoxo Violet

PS if you want to reach the next level of love and power, and are ready for a lasting, successful, and oh-so-romantic relationship, let’s talk. We offer free discovery calls to see if we can help you find lasting love: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Leverage your own masculine and feminine energy for love appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

I remember going to parties or out with my friends and feeling so hungry for male attention…

I didn’t know why men didn’t approach me!

I thought I was smart, and interesting, and cute…but for most of my 20s and some of my 30s, I watched the good-looking, successful men approach my friends…or just walk past me.

It seemed like the more I tried to get the attention of great men, the more I was friend-zoned.

Or, the more I beat myself up! Shaming myself and blaming myself, which only made me feel more shy and awkward.

I just didn’t know how to be confident AND feminine, and how to attract a great guy’s attention without feeling desperate or too “out there”

Do you feel the same way? Do you want to be able to meet men in person, but the right ones never pursue you? Or maybe the ones that DO approach you are married or just not your type?

The good news is you don’t have to dress differently or be a super show-off to get attention. Magnetizing men is more about your energy than anything else.

Women I work with tell me all the time that they can’t believe how much more interest they’re sparking…

men flirting with them at the grocery store, noticing them in the airport, asking them out in the coffee shop (one of my clients who is now married met her man while walking into a coffee shop).

So what’s keeping you from attracting the right guy?

Most likely you’ve lost touch with your pleasure. 

Pleasure is a KEY ingredient in flirting and magnetizing men. But it’s not about being sexy…it’s about so much more, and feeling good in a way that’s AUTHENTIC to you (otherwise it backfires).

If you want to naturally bring your dream partner to you, and feel empowered about flirting, then check out this interview about pleasure and femininity with Tammera Logan, our heartset and mindset mentor in my program Queens of Pleasure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhbwjE6dMxQ&t=20s

In it we discuss the myths and misconceptions about pleasure, and why it’s a KEY ingredient of dating and creating a healthy, passionate partnership. 

After you watch it, or maybe even as you’re reading this right now, you might realize that femininity and pleasure are just not something you’re good at, or even know where to start with… 

If that’s the case, book a free Strategy Session with us and we’ll help you understand what’s been keeping you from good love and everything you’ve wanted in a man and a relationship.

To your pleasure,

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you want to embody pleasure in a way that’s authentic to you and attract the right men, but you struggle with flirting or being noticed or feeling good about dating, let’s talk. This isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you learn — but don’t try it at home or with the advice of your girlfriends because your feminine essence is unique to YOU! Set up your free strategy session here now (we only have a few spots a week and these go fast plus it’s summertime which is the time for love!): www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Want to be More Magnetic? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Ever wonder how to keep a relationship going strong? 

Are you sick of 1 date, 1 month, or 1 year relationships that leave you feeling heartbroken or always waiting for the other shoe to drop?

It takes special skills to keep a relationship going strong — DIFFERENT SKILLS than it takes to date. 

These are the skills I teach my clients — not only how to date but how to get into a great relationship. That’s why I’ve had 3 clients get engaged in the last 2 months.

And this is why so many women get frustrated…just when they think they’re done dating forever because they found their guy, it fizzles out.

Men make commitments much differently than women do. They make commitments based on FREEDOM.

This is actually great for us women because men aren’t looking for the freedom to be with multiple women (well, some are, and that’s their deal). Many men are looking for freedom IN their relationship.

Freedom to follow their purpose.

Freedom to not have to be perfect or be nagged at all the time.

Freedom to be a MAN in the relationship and not another one of your girlfriends.

This is good for you because a healthy, co-creative relationship means you have freedom too. 

Don’t you want freedom to be yourself and be loved and adored for every part of you (even the ones you keep hidden)?

Don’t you want the freedom to be vulnerable and not have your emotions used against you?

Don’t you want freedom to be the Queen, in love and in the rest of your life without being told you’re intimidating?

When both partners have this sort of freedom, both partners have committed, sacred love.

Getting to this level of freedom requires vulnerability.

Check out more of this and learn how to keep the relationship going strong, all the way to “I Do” and beyond in my video:

Sending you so much love and freedom,

Xoxo, Violet

PS If you aren’t sure how to keep a relationship going strong and struggle to share yourself vulnerable or struggle how to give a man freedom AND still have loving, faithful, committed, let’s talk. Pick out your spot now at www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Keep Love Going Strong All the Way to “I Do” and Beyond! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Has this ever happened to you? The person you’re texting or dating or even falling in love with, does an emotional disappearing act?

All of a sudden there’s fewer texts, less sharing, and you get that weird feeling that something shifted? But he’s not saying why???

I don’t know what’s worse about this — the anxiety it creates or the doubt that he’s actually a good fit for you if this is how he communicates.

If you don’t figure out how to navigate the emotional disappearing act, you can get stuck in an emotionally unavailable “relationship” or end up in very short term situations again and again.

One reason why this might be happening to you is your own ability to stay emotionally open and expressive. I call this Dynamic Relating. 

Most of us have a hard time staying open…we receive love and we find a way to reject it (especially when we’re attracted to bad-boys or fixer-uppers)…or we don’t like a certain behavior and we shut down. 

We often find a way to reject a potential relationship instead of being open to what develops WHILE setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth.

The root of this is simple: we emotionally disappear from ourselves. We freeze instead of relating dynamically. 

We don’t slow down to feel, or take the time to be vulnerable about what we think about a situation. We blame the guy but we’re just as emotionally hot/cold, or emotionally misattuned and not able to step back a bit when it’s clear he needs his space.

Imagine what it would be like to stay emotionally open and expressive AND be in your power so you don’t get hurt…

Imagine how it would feel to have him RESPECT you for sharing your feelings instead of brushing you aside… (my clients tell me every day how well their dates respond when they speak from their heart as I guide them to)

Imagine how great it would be to navigate emotional closeness and emotional space without losing your confidence or your growing relationship…

Are you ready to be empowered and emotionally available in love?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you want to be able to create closeness with someone you like, again and again, and stay in your power while dating, I can teach you how to do Dynamic Relating and how to be emotionally available WITH healthy boundaries. But you have to take action to get help. Sign up for a free 15 minute Strategy Session here and get clarity on what’s been keeping you from love and encouragement for your vision of partnership: www.violetlange.com/talk 

The post When he emotionally disappears on you, do THIS to bring him back… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Has this ever happened to you? The person you’re texting or dating or even falling in love with, does an emotional disappearing act?

All of a sudden there’s fewer texts, less sharing, and you get that weird feeling that something shifted? But he’s not saying why???

I don’t know what’s worse about this — the anxiety it creates or the doubt that he’s actually a good fit for you if this is how he communicates.

If you don’t figure out how to navigate the emotional disappearing act, you can get stuck in an emotionally unavailable “relationship” or end up in very short term situations again and again.

One reason why this might be happening to you is your own ability to stay emotionally open and expressive. I call this Dynamic Relating.

Most of us have a hard time staying open…we receive love and we find a way to reject it (especially when we’re attracted to bad-boys or fixer-uppers)…or we don’t like a certain behavior and we shut down.

We often find a way to reject a potential relationship instead of being open to what develops WHILE setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth.

The root of this is simple: we emotionally disappear from ourselves. We freeze instead of relating dynamically.

We don’t slow down to feel, or take the time to be vulnerable about what we think about a situation. We blame the guy but we’re just as emotionally hot/cold, or emotionally misattuned and not able to step back a bit when it’s clear he needs his space.

Imagine what it would be like to stay emotionally open and expressive AND be in your power so you don’t get hurt…

Imagine how it would feel to have him RESPECT you for sharing your feelings instead of brushing you aside… (my clients tell me every day how well their dates respond when they speak from their heart as I guide them to)

Imagine how great it would be to navigate emotional closeness and emotional space without losing your confidence or your growing relationship…

Are you ready to be empowered and emotionally available in love?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you want to be able to create closeness with someone you like, again and again, and stay in your power while dating, I can teach you how to do Dynamic Relating and how to be emotionally available WITH healthy boundaries. But you have to take action to get help. Sign up for a free Breakthrough to Love call here and get clarity on what’s been keeping you from love and encouragement for your vision of partnership: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post When he emotionally disappears on you, do THIS to bring him back… appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Standing at the gate with my little red suitcase, watching the plane take off to NYC…

the plane I was supposed to be on to visit that guy I was seeing.

But I was sick of the hot/cold nonsense, and something inside me said

no to walking through that gate,

knowing he’d never really be the one to watch me walk down the aisle.

In the taxi back home (this was way before Lyft lol), I resolved to never settle again…to never “miss” the red flags…to never put up with a lack of commitment when I wanted so much more.

I couldn’t keep dating down…but I also couldn’t keep getting ghosted or keep opening my heart for just a few-weeks-long “relationships”…

And I couldn’t hide how much I wanted love and how badly I wanted to get off the spin cycle of the apps.

I resolved to figure out the truth of how to attract an incredible partner,

and that pivotal moment with my little red suitcase started me on a quest to find the RIGHT way to get into a lasting, committed, fulfilling relationship for good.

Along the way, I discovered why most advice in this area backfires and feels inauthentic, and why so many people are unnecessarily alone.

Look, finding and keeping a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical connection with ONE person who cherished and adored me like a Queen wasn’t easy.

But after studying with so many people and reading all the books and trying all the things that didn’t work, I created a system that did.

A system that magnetized my husband to me…

A system that helped us create the truest, easiest, and deepest love I have ever known.

My hubby puts my favorite treats in the freezer, surprises me with weekend trips, brings me flowers, and tells me I’m beautiful — consistently.

We meditate together, we create art together, we talk new ideas together, and we decided a long time ago that our shared purpose is to radiate love to heal the world.

The same way I brought this AMAZING partner into my life is the same way I teach my clients to bring their partner in too.

And now I have clients who haven’t been in a relationship in 8 years getting engaged in 6 months.

Does this sound awesome or what?!? If so, I have good news 🙂

Love is not a numbers game. It’s an energy game. And once someone has the right skillset, heartset, and mindset to make love work, magic happens.

In fact I’ve distilled down the four most important things my clients do differently to attract an incredible partner, in a short amount of time,

and I want to share those with people who want a committed, soulful, electric connection.

These four topics are so powerful that anyone who is looking for a healthy partnership

needs to know them now, so no one gets burnt out, fed up, left hanging, or worse, going it alone.

Specifically, my training shows:

FIRST, how to get approached by the right people and stop being dependant on the apps…especially for people who are told they’re “intimidating”

SECOND, how to harness the authentic feminine essence unique to each person to create a sizzling connection without feeling desperate

THIRD, how to get from date to relationship with a true partner…no more non-committal or fixer-upper types

FOURTH, how to leverage the power of vulnerability to keep the relationship going strong way beyond “I Do”

Most importantly, this free training teaches how to find love even faster than I did, because I’m sharing all the secrets I learned in my journey.

These four lessons are the foundation of my relationship and my client’s extraordinary relationships — even if they had been stuck lonely and exhausted for years.

I know these teachings create a different, more effective, pathway to love because they’re based off of my proven system.

I’m going to be sharing this four-part video training over the next few weeks, so if you want lasting love, be on the lookout for video #1 soon.

Are you ready to get into a great relationship and stop going for guys who aren’t right for you?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you struggle to make good choices for yourself in love, and if you have ever found out too late that you’re attracted to the wrong people, let’s talk. I offer free Breakthrough to Love sessions for women who are committed to changing their love life. If that’s you, just select your spot now at www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Why I didn’t get on that plane…and instead got into a great relationship appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Hey single ladies — do you want to be exclusive, but he’s aloof?

Are you ready to be a wife, but he says he still needs time?

One of the biggest challenges in modern dating is actually getting to the commitment that you want, with a man you respect, who treats you like a Queen.

But instead of settling for single, did you know you can absolutely attract a fabulous man and inspire him to commit?

This is NOT about playing a game, or emotional manipulation.

It’s about your priorities. Yes, it’s about YOUR priorities.

Do you think you just need one more piece of information? Or one more book to read? One more “strategy”?

If you’re committed to information (or manipulation), you’ll never get the love you want. Because love isn’t created in the head, it’s created in the heart.

If you’re committed to information as a way to push off the transformation you actually need, he’s going to be the same way. He’s going to cling to his “next adventure” or “next battle” or “next quest.”

He’s not going to slow down to see you, to feel your heart, and to make you his forever. Not if you’re chasing for more pieces of the puzzle on the internet hahaha.

We can get addicted to just “one more insight” instead of actually investing to do the work.

Little nuggets of insights can make us falsely believe we’re moving forward when we’re actually spinning our wheels. I know, because I used to scour google instead of saying yes to the work and showing up.

The work isn’t therapy, it isn’t bitching to our girlfriends, and it isn’t reading books. It’s hiring an expert in this area and doing what it takes to create a long-lasting passionate partnership.

I’ve worked with hundreds of women and trained thousands, and the ones who win in love are the ones who do the practices in my system. The ones willing to dive deep instead of looking for the bandaid or easy way out. If you’re looking for easy, he will be too.

Are you actually ready to commit to love?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you’re ready for commitment and willing to do the work, let’s talk! So many women are looking for the fairytale but forget the process of transformation every “princess” goes through to become a Queen. I love helping women find their King but the ones that do are totally committed to taking massive action and diving deep. If that’s you, apply for your free Breakthrough to Love call here: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Is he stalling and putting off commitment? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

If you’re feeling exhausted by dating, burnt out by the apps, and frustrated in love…you may not be approaching your love life in a feminine way.

As a woman, you hold IMMENSE power to attract a great man and create a fantastic relationship.

I know, because I’ve coached hundreds of women on how to do this and I’ve seen them go from single and frustrated to happily engaged in less than a year, with a partner they love.

Sometimes we just want that magic pill, you know?

Not viagra…and not even viagra for women lol!

What I’m talking about is PLEASURE.

If you’re not getting what you want in love, you’ve forgotten how to feel good — about yourself, about dating, about men.

No man can make you happy. But you being happy and full of pleasure will absolutely bring a high quality man to you.

What is pleasure? It’s not about physical intimacy, although that can feel good too.

Pleasure is about being aligned, authentic, integrated in who you are, mind/body/spirit.

It’s about making choices with massive payoffs in the long and short term.

Pleasure is about feeling fabulous like a QUEEN while navigating dating in an effective way.

Imagine upgrading the types of men who you attract…

Imagine feeling confident, sensual, and magnetic as you date…

Imagine your man pursuing you with total respect including getting down on one knee…

If you want some of that, it’s yours.

But this isn’t a magic overnight sort of thing. We’re wired for pain as a society and for being punished just because we’re women.

You don’t have to suffer, but this isn’t something you can change on your own. We can only create healthy relationship THROUGH relationship.

If you want to find the feminine, pleasurable way to date and fall in love, I invite you to set up a free session with us at www.violetlange.com/talk

Are you ready to unlock his heart and claim your dream of love forever?

Xoxo Violet

PS if you feel stuck in dating or just know you’re pushing too hard, there is another way 🙂 over 25 women a week benefit from our free Breakthrough to Love sessions. But here’s the catch — you have to be ready and willing and able to show up for yourself. You have to know love is a priority in your life. If we feel it makes sense to work together, we may invite you to be a client. But if not, we’ll point you in another direction. Either way we’ll have a lot of fun 🙂 Just pick your time now at www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Have you heard of the Magic Pleasure Pill? It’s not what you think! appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

Gulp…that feeling when he starts to pull away. Totally sucks, right?

You know, when you’ve been dating for a few weeks,

Or maybe longer and you just had intimacy…

And that dreaded pit in your stomach when he stops texting as much…and isn’t making any plans.

I remember going through that 6 times in two years…2 month relationships just went “poof” and I felt awful just watching the other show drop again and again.

It’s no wonder we get stressed about relationships,

Especially if you have a pattern of attracting men who are non-commital or seem to run hot/cold.

Just when we feel like we’re getting closer, oftentimes a guy will pull away.

But there IS something you can do differently in your relationships and in dating, to make the process BETTER for both of you…

To attract a man who does want to commit,

And to ENJOY the process as you get closer and closer again and again.

No this is not about waiting until a certain time period to be physical.

BLESS your date or partner, don’t STRESS about them.

Most of us grew up in stressful relationships with imperfect parents. It’s okay. That doesn’t have to keep you in a stressful relationship now or keep you alone forever.

But you do need to have a BLESSING mindset, not a stressing mindset, for love.

Which takes skill, courage, and support, especially if your pattern is to freak out…which can then be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

My clients change their patterns of attraction, improve their own attachment style to become more secure, and learn how to navigate the cycles of dating to create lasting love.

Imagine what it would be like to get the love you desire, the consistency you crave, and the commitment you always wanted, without having to stress about it?

If that sounds good to you, I invite you to set up a call with us.

Why keep stressing about your love life when you could be reaping the blessings?

Xoxo, Violet

PS if you find your “relationships” are short lived, or start out great then get “crunchy”, let’s talk. You can get a commitment in love — with someone you’re attracted to — without all the stress. Just set up time to talk with one of our love specialists — aka Breakthrough to Love coaches — for a free 45 minute session now: www.violetlange.com/talk

The post Are you Stressing about your Love Life? appeared first on Violet Lange.

     

So many women are sick of going on dates without feeling any magnetism to the person…

“Where are the butterflies?” they want to know…

“Why am I not that attracted to him, when he treats me so well?” they say…

“How long do I go on like this, Violet?” they ask…

I do NOT advocate dating someone you’re turned off by, or someone you don’t respect, or someone you don’t feel safe with…

I also do NOT advocate staying in a passion-less, flat, boring situation because of guilt that you might “hurt his feelings.”

However, you might be surprised on which number date my clients who got married found out “he was the One…” It’s NEVER the first date. EVER!

I have many married clients who met their husband because of our work together, in fact one who just got married on April 5th!

And it has always happened over time…a dawning awareness…a “curiosity at first sight” but not a “weak in the knees” at first sight sort of thing.

When I posted on Instagram the other day that I don’t believe in love at first sight, wow, people got upset. But it’s true, I don’t believe you can love someone instantly and know they are “the one”…

Chemistry is important…but it’s the blend of physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual attraction that deepens over time, not the kind that hits you out of the blue in one second. That sort of rush is a re-enactment of old patterns and the desire to “fix” a situation from the past that this new person reminds you of, even subconsciously.

My married clients tell me they knew he was the one on the 5th date, on average. Yes, you read that right — FIVE dates.

What tipped it in his favor, after not being sure?

1–My now married clients felt that their now husband treated them better than anyone else had…more consistency, more direct communication, more connection. She KNEW he wanted her and didn’t have to guess, which helped her feel safe.

2–My married clients felt drawn to their now husband, but not necessarily physically. None of them said “I can’t wait to kiss him” or “he’s so sexy!” in the first few dates. Instead they said things like “I like him” or “he’s really interesting” or “there’s a lot we have in common, like our values and some of our interests”

3–The chemistry took over, in a good way, once these women were present in their hearts instead of rejecting their guy and staying stuck in their head. Let go of comparing him to an ex, and let go of an old pattern of “proving” you’re lovable to emotionally unavailable men.

But how do you get to the fifth date without feeling like you’re wasting your time? And without pushing the right guy away?

Mature Dating. And this takes guidance from a coach — someone to help you see your blind spots and the ways you push away commitment and healthy love.

Imagine what it would be like to speak your truth, express your needs, have the freedom to choose?

Imagine what it would be like to be pursued and wanted, but at your own pace so you didn’t feel smothered?